I havent read about your situation just yet but I will as time permits.
My situation is considerably different from yours but the sooner you can start to move forward with GAL and detaching, the better. I still struggle with GAL and detaching too. The best thing you can do is lower your expectations all the way to ZERO.
Lets assume that he will never come back. What would you do tomorrow if that were the case? Then, what would you be doing next week differently than you are now? Then keep it going out until months etc. That is what I try to do. Admittedly, I am not great at it yet. The more I do it, the better I get at it.
In my case, I am cycling now. Some days/weeks I feel great about my detachment then something happens between me and my W and I start to down cycle. I think understanding that I am cycling helps me to deal with the down cycles.
It is very hard in the cycling stage. You get your hopes up and then they are crushed again. Lowering my expectations to ZERO helps to get me through because, although I am still hopeful, I presume that she wont be back anytime soon. So just do what you would do AsIf S was not coming back soon.
I hope this doesnt seem too harsh, if so I apologize. This is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life and I am not very good at it yet. I follow Sandi's 37 rules as best as I can, I go to MC and read books and I read a lot on this forum.
Being informed about what is happening to you and your R and understanding what you can control and what you can not control helped me deal with my marriage crisis. I still have issues with giving up control of my situation. Just ask my W.
I hope this helps you is some small way. Learn about MLC/WAS, GAL, Detach, ZERO EXPECTATIONS!!! I have to keep telling myself this every day. Many times per day. Print out and read Sandi's 37 rules everyday, several times a day until you are living them.
Stay strong and ask God to take the burden you are carrying off your shoulders. Trust Him that whatever happens, you will be better and stronger and this is just one of lifes experiences that we must go through to grow.
