One month down, zero casualties

[Raine]

Mr T2, any suggestions on how I could facilitate a conversation between H and his dad? I feel like it really needs to happen and maybe in three months H will be able to handle it. I don't think he could right now. I think if I were there, I could keep it calm and productive. I had a conversation with his Dad several years ago, and his dad sulked about it for weeks. H's brother got into it slightly with his Dad about something political a year ago, and his dad stopped talking to his brother and went upstairs upset. So H is likely the more mature person in this scenario, coming into it with zero patience, highly confrontational, self focused, and volatile. This is why no one in their family talks about anything. Brush it all under the rug.

I haven't asked H anymore questions and he hasn't volunteered any. I had a question left lingering on Skype about the 2003+ episodes of disconnect, and he said he hasn't had time to think about it or respond to it. I've just let it be for now. I'll wait for him to bring things up and get him talking then.

Linda, H has softened up a lot now. He doesn't want to upset me like he did before. I think now he is worried that any wrong move and I'll be done and ask him to leave. He seems almost protective of me and concerned about my feelings. The little man is 15 pounds now. Crazy huh!

uR, I'm so glad you don't suffer from depression anymore, and your description helps a lot. I think my H does need to get on ADs at some point and get rewired. I don't know if he ever will. That plus deal with the things in the past that are causing the depression. I see H acting the same way, that there is something wrong with him, and logically he knows he should get help, but logic doesn't work for him right now. I'm trying to keep that balancing act of giving him space and being a lighthouse. This is a much more difficult stage to be in for me, but I'm also much stronger than I was seven months ago. That girl could not handle this.

Wonka, I'm curious to know how much of a fog he is still in. It surprised me too that he could describe it at this point. It was interesting to me that a conversation from 2011 popped in my head to ask him about, that he had talked to me that he wasn't feeling right and feeling displaced about a year into it. I didn't know how much people in MLC would feel and realize during it, or if it was more afterwards when the fog lifted. I like the stuff you post too. It's like putting a steak out for a pack of wild dogs. Suddenly crazy makes sense!

Hey SA! Yes, he has commented on them. He has negative remarks for everyone. He even says negative things to me about the OW I know, like his coworker ones. Yet these are the people he wants to be with. And for the same kind of reasons. They are younger, or they're sympathetic. They make him feel important. They make him feel better about himself. What better way to feel better about yourself than to be around people you feel superior to? If you are feeling old and time is running out, how better to stop that then to hang out with a younger crowd?