i'm that buddy - too darn bad i'm in the wrong state(s).
i could kill for a cup of joe and walkin buddy on this cool day- raining tho- might not be able to walk tonite- rats. could use it to nite...
plan for tonite - goofy old british shows - seen most a million times but oh well huh? fanticize about running off to England & out of this life into another (and wonderful) one. fingers crossed- hey, maybe i'll go get a lottery ticket and make myself laugh at the insanity of it. it does make me laugh - every time - like a charm.
i don't feel like i know h anymore too-.
i also get the "ackward" too- i truly wonder how he doesn't feel it or care about it- and just carries on & so far keeps coming here. wtf . how can he be soooo un-aware or unbothered? he seems to be tho- idk dawn- they are wierd as can be.
he's just some other person. i also wonder if it all comes back- if it's the "right thing" to happen. ya have to wonder
i don't even think that far in advance anymore- idk at all- not one darn bit.
maybe im assuming im just waiting for "the end". idk about that too. oh man- i don't know anything.
i'm going to have a cozy nite and i'm glad my mother has her stupid teeth and i don't have to interact with her anymore today. she wears me out- i must be grinding my jaw like mad- took a few asprin.
it was so nice for my neice to offer & come to dentist today to just distract mom- she's a sensitive & caring little soul- i surely appreciate that and count that blessing. that she offers - in this family where mostly one HAS TO ASK ACROSS the board- it's nice to have a caring little person around.
i love that kid.
it's a shame i can't manage to do better - instead of just constantly have remorse about not "doing better". it would seem it aint there- and aint happenin - i am just not a generous & altruistic daughter. oh well huh????
anyway- i think some wine- maybe sew something- put away (finally - if my mother doesn't have another meltdown) the piles of "stuff" - pack a few things for shore and go in the morning. allll the projects around house planned for week got left behind in light of tooth tragedy. oh well huh?
don't know what else- think i'll find a big ole raincoat and go get that lottery ticket- see, just thinking about the insanity of actually getting it and planning for five minutes what to do with my bazillion millions makes me smile- ya gotta love the insanity of human nature - donja??
