You will have opportunities to slow things down in the divorce process, but its a bit harder if you are sharing an attorney in a collaborative divorce. You can consider approaching your attorney and ask them to wait for your approval before moving things forward or for a timeline range. Some will, some will immediately tell your wife! You can alway just take your time. DOnt say "I wont sign!", just say "I will get to it" or "I have a few questions" etc.
I would caution you about slowing down, in that depending on the specifics of your case, you may get a much more advantageous agreement now than if you wait. It really depends on what you have to fight over and the specifics of your jurisdiction. I would suggest consulting a separate attorney than your collaborative attorney to discuss the possible range of outcomes. You may get very different story than a collaborative attorney will tell you.
A few things to consider:
Right now she is subconsciously motivated to separate from you so you can be replaced, in her mind at least, by her affair partner.
In my cases never have I seen a reconciliation after a woman has an affair and goes to the trouble of moving out, except when the affair quickly breaks down.
I have seen reconciliations after a wife moves back home despite her wishes, such as financial limitations or child care needs. Im now a firm disbeliever in the adage 'absence makes the heart grow fonder'!
People in a situation like her - where she is making rapid life changing decisions - typically think in the very near term and have a skewed sense of time value. One can often get an extremely advantageous agreement (in terms of overall asset splits, home, equity, retirement accounts etc) by offering her some immediate carrot like a relatively small check that will allow her to continue to live on her own for the short term or possibly fund a visit to her AP.
The longer you are in this situation, and the worse her financial shape the more likely it is she will fight tooth and nail in divorce. But, if its bad enough she might start to question her decision.
So. long story short there is no right or wrong answer for delaying the process, you need to consider risks and rewards to each strategy. Strategy 1: you play fast to win - sometimes the outcome is their new life crashes and burns and they come crawling back - but sometimes things have gone too far and they just keep moving on. Strategy 2: you play slow to wait-out the MLC or affair - sometimes the outcome is that their affair burns out, the shine wears off their new life and they come slowly back to plan B, other times you end up in a protracted fight with a desperate wife and you end up burning through all resources and hating each other.
