Irons, thanks for sharing your sitch. I had the same thing going on at our home before my W left. Toward the end I actually encouraged her to leave b/c I thought it was important to validate her unhappiness living at home rather than argue about it. You can't try to talk someone out of their own unhappiness.
Prepare for your W's departure as it sounds imminent. I did a lot of dishes and housework before my W left and it certainly didn't sway her from leaving. I made up my mind though that I was doing this work b/c I wanted to do it - no more covert contracts or expectations from others. 180s are for you. Have no expectations. Don't be manipulative.
WAWs check out of house chores altogether right before they leave b/c they've got their eyes plied on the new place and how great it's going to be to get out. They've already left mentally. My W didn't even clean up the messes she made in the process of moving out. I did mention to her that I thought that was rude and she apologized.
Maybe think of it this way: WSs NEED to leave so they can figure themselves out. If you love someone, set them free. You don't need anyone to make you happy. Show her that you can be happy on your own b/c you can.
I'm still a newbie and it's early, but my W and I are getting along better now that we're living apart. We'll see where it leads next. Perhaps there's a certain point where the unhappy spouse has to leave if there's any real hope of R. Stay positive! You're not alone!
