Laying down my heart and feeling the power

[RosaLinda]

Thank you uR  you are very kind  "This is such tough stuff, Linda and we love so deeply. Letting go also means letting go of the past, so that you can move forward in the future."

It's the past that's hard to let go of, I think. You know, how my H used to treat me in the past. He still has moments when I can see his old self, many many moments every day, almost like a light bulb flickering on and off. It is very disconcerting. But I need to learn to accept the bulb being on or off on his terms for now, and certainly not to expect that damn bulb to stay lit from one moment to the next. He makes more of an effort to be sociable with other people, but isn't completely successful even there. 

So....you're right. Worrying about about what may or may not happen on his trip is a ridiculous waste of time and energy. Worrying about RT's nefarious plans is a waste of time. Worrying about how he'll act or feel when he returns is sapping my energy and happiness. What will be will be. I can just trust God and continue to do the best I can. 

I have been researching hotels and things to do in London. It looks like a lot of fun! I heard an airplane crashed or set fire there but don't think there's much chance of that happening twice in two months. My friend lives on the Isle of Wight and claims there's a lot to do there too, including eating in cute pubs (good!) and shopping (better!) and looking at the beautiful scenery. There are castles and gardens and museums and a donkey sanctuary, a vineyard, manor houses.  And....golf. Grrrrr no golf TVS!