#3 - is what I tried to explain to xw without pressuring her or making her feel bad about forgetting..
... I just don't know if I succeeded.
I too would choose #1 as a default as I will tend to let things go because... quality time with someone I WANT to spend time with, is worth letting go of being pursued.
but...
#3 is a good route to go. Just because you are willing to, and DO, let things go (desire to be pursued in a benign "if they want to be with me, they have to show they do")
Expressing that LL, "One of the most important things to me is spending time with friends. It is important for me to know the person wants to spend time with me by occasionally initiating and planning those times."
Once you've established that need, it is very important to understand AND ACCEPT that Time may not be the LL of the person you want to spend time with.
Then, it is up to you how to handle that.
For example, my gf seemed to think her LL included time, although it appears to me that her LL is gifts. It is making for an interesting dynamic.
I have made her aware of my need to be pursued at times or at least indicate that she would like to spend time with me. Unfortunately, her context requires I pursue her. On the flip side, she buys me gifts (generally food items when we are out), yet will not generally allow me to buy her gifts (again, because of her context).
Until her context changes, I will need to pursue her and she will continue to not accept gifts. But I know she loves me, nevertheless, because she DOES buy me gifts and will occasionally mention wanting to spend time with me or letting it slip that she <3s me.
So again, the point is, we cannot EXPECT people to cater to our LL.
Find what works for you, accept what is, and go forward from there.
