Questions without answers...am I stuck in place?

[albamarie]

So H calls me this morning hyper about something going at his night job, I say where are you, he said that's not important. Well, my mom worked in a hospital for 30yrs, I know what they sound like, oh yea, he's brought EA to get her Cataract surgery done.

He goes on about work related things, babbling about hours. I said, really you don't care what I think about where your at, why is this up to you, ''he said she's my friend. He said, I don't care what you think of me, do you really think I'm like that, I don't care what people think.

Where are you gonna go...I work for the family that's all I care about. Your fine, healthy, comfortable, you can't leave, and if you do want to go, to Vegas and create an avenue for me to get work in season, you'll be happy there, that's all I care about''.

I was right, he is on some kind of mission to hold down this fort, and keep me content, so he can circle around the planet and not have to worry about me. It's as if he maintains all his ducks in a row at home, so he's worry free to go hyper manic in the city.

This is not a M, this is a joke, how would something like this ever end, it feels more like a way of life, it works for him, why would he change. I could NC or go black for yrs, what's it to him, as long as he's fulfilling his obligations. He doesn't see anything else as an obligation...it's all human emotional junk.

Then he says don't worry as long as your going to get into heaven that't all I worry about, your fine! This is my spiritual battle! Don't you think HE has to see what I'm doing, even though it hurts you, as a good thing for one of his children?

This is why I say I'm done, how do you fight that? I know you don't fight it per se, but there is no tactic on my part that would even begin to effect his head trauma!

The sooner we don't have to live together the better. This superman complex he has needs to fizzle and die, but not at my hands!

The whole time he speaks about how he has me and the kids all snuggled up at home and safe, w health insurance, $$$ and food, so let him go do this for one person who has nothing, won't God see that!?

UH, no! You can't be rewarded for planting new seeds if you had to trample over your already blooming flowers to get there.