Thank you all for your support. Yes, I am sad and yes it will pass. Thank you, La. That thought is what I am using to keep me grounded.
I am not seeing a therapist, but perhaps I should give more consideration to doing so. I am really struggling with this now. I have backslid something terrible over the last few days. It literally feels like my life is crumbling around me. I have been thinking about asking W to move off our property, so she isn't in my direct line of sight. Unfortunately, she can't afford a place of her own, and I can't even afford the pay for the things I have on the table now. So, I have been thinking about ways around it. It all boils down to me selling off my belongings and drastically changing my life. Even the thought of that puts me in a deeper state of depression. Meanwhile, wife is going on vacation AGAIN, next weekend with OM. It just feels like my life is shattering, while she is living the life she wanted, at the expense of me and daughter who had no say in this situation. I know I need to change my perspective, but that is all I have at the moment to focus on.
I weened myself off of my AD several months ago. I felt solid enough that I wasn't needing them anymore. I might have to consider getting back on the perscription.
I AM going to branch out and do new things. I have to. I have to save myself. I know in my mind that GAL is going to be the key to my survival. It's just hard. I have tried to find solid people to connect with. They are either so broken themselves, or not really looking for new friends. Building a new circle is pretty tough. There just doesn't seem to be that much out there, that fit in with my interests and values. I am pretty much a married man at heart. I have strong family values and it seems that people in the singles world are "NOT", for a lack of a better explanation.
I will just try to carry on, look for a new life for myself. I am sure I will be here often looking for emotional support. The divorce process hasn't even started, but I am already not sure I will be able to cope with it.....[censored]!
