PM - You sound really good. I'm VERY happy that you're at this point.
The realizations you made are hard as hell because it's not what we want. We want to live the illusion we have for what our W's and M's should be. Truth be told many of us didn't have it for a LONG time before BD but we either were oblivious to it or weren't strong enough to do anything about it. It's what I referred to before regarding taking your W off the pedestal you had her on. Once she's off the pedestal things start becoming clearer and you see it's not all your fault, our W's have a lot of issues, and we can't fix them or pretend the issues don't exist. We've grown too much to allow this in our lives anymore. This is another thing I think just eventually happens and something we can't force. For me personally that was the biggest moment for me to finally start moving forward for real and not just talking/ writing about doing it.
Your detachment definitions are spot on and is the exact reason for the GAL. It does get easier as time goes because we start having more going on and less time to worry or think about the WAS.
Originally Posted By: PatientMan
At times I "feel" like I am moving past XW... more each day, it seems (though it isn't linear). Actually, it's more of a "I feel already past her... when did this happen? Because I didn't notice it and all of a sudden I'm here" feeling.
I smiled at this because it's exactly how it happened for me.
Sometimes I feel like we push detaching too much on here without really explaining the process. Detaching is something that will happen when the LBS is ready for it to happen. I know many people get frustrated they haven't detached (sometimes it is their own fault) but this stuff takes time. I know it used to bug me because I'd get so much great advice on and off the boards and I felt like I was doing things right but I was still attached.
You mentioned it but I wanted to reiterate that just because you feel detached it's not uncommon to have low moments along the way. I know a lot of vets that still have them after years of being D'd. Just make sure you feel it, understand what it is you're feeling, then let it go and move on and not get stuck in the valley.
I really like where your head is at now. Stay strong.
Personality is who the world sees, character is who you are
