Emotional Connection and Attraction

[BC39]

MMSLP approach works best when your W works with you on it. The problem is that if that's not "you" then chances are you won't be able to keep it up and the erratic changes in your behavior will just confuse your wife. If you could just will yourself to be super confident and attractive you already would have. Don't torture yourself with that, be yourself. If you're the best man you can be and that's not good enough for her, then playing MMSLP games isn't going to help. The "caveman theory" his stuff is based on has also proven to be myth. Early humans didn't practice monogamy, they practiced group marriage and everyone pitched in to do everything because that was the most efficient way to survive.

I think some of it is me. I'm typically a confident person, although my confidence pre BD was miss guided (see my above post to Bond).

Valid points though ^^^

If you're working together on your marriage you have the right to expect to have sex. You should discuss this with her and agree on some frequency you will maintain. That will relieve your anxiety and relieve pressure on any given night if it doesn't happen. If she won't work with you on that, then you're not really piecing you are still DB'ing

I will discuss this with her. W has given me mixed messages the last few months when it come to S.

The difference is that piecing implies you are both committed to making your marriage work, which means you both fear losing it if you don't do the work.

We've had a couple low points since piecing (one was recently) but she has still come out of it saying she wants to work on M.

Does she fear losing you right now?

EXCELLENT question. I don't know the answer. If you asked me that a couple months ago I would have leaned toward a yes, but lately, I don't know.

(When she feared losing me in October she had an "awakening" and begged me to work on M with her)

It is that very question that leads me to one of my MAJOR hang ups. Does she NEED to fear losing me? Do I make it too easy on her when she knows I'm not going anywhere?

I think this ^^^^ is a major reason I didn't spill all my feelings to her in the past. BUT its because of this she didn't feel loved enough.

Its conflicting and I completely contradict myself. I REALLY need to work on this and could use some help with it.

How about that summary?

I will definitely do this. I just haven't had time and its going to take some thought. Writing down or explaining my sitch and thoughts is not a strength of mine so it will probably take me a while

Just heading out with the family to go camping for the weekend