One giant leap forward!

[T1000]

Hmmm interesting but I guess I see it in a different way.

And if she's that ...whatever T, why is it you want to stay married to her? I haven't really seen many positives mentioned about her.

I don't want my marriage to fail. I want my kids to not have come from a broken home.
We have been happy before and know we could be happy again.
Unfortunately that would take a lot of work on her side.

Most people operate based on what they've learned works for them, most of it not a conscious decision. T, I've seen evidence or you doing it, I do it, most people try to control, try to manipulate, try to have things our way because it hurts when we don't get that.

From what you describe of her past, she probably does have a need to control. It doesn't give her a free pass but her issues don't give you one either

What do you know about boundaries, T?

A bit, I state what I will and won't accept. If that is not met i take myself away from it.

About your response to the text, I suggested you ask an open-ended question because you were unsure (or at least it seemed) as to what she meant.

You had already tried to guess what she meant as indicated by the possible responses you were coming up with. The best way to find out what someone really means is by asking. "Hey, I'm not sure I understand what you mean when you say...."

You may not get the whole truth but you might get closer to it and you won't be reacting based on a story you've told yourself about what she means.

I read through most of your threads over the last couple of days and you and W both have done a lot of tit-for-tat, game playing, gotcha stuff.

Take the focus off her and put it back on you. You are the only person you can change.

If you have trouble setting boundaries, work on that. Know where your line is.

Become the man you want to be no matter what your W, or any other person in your life does.

So who is that man?

When I asked her I did leave it open ended.
You are correct about it just being easier to ask the question rather than putting words in peoples mouths.

I feel like I can be happy either way now.

I was thinking the other day. If I was dating someone else now how would I treat my W?
I certainly couldn't let her take advantage of me the way she has done. That's sort of my yard stick at the moment in regards to W right now. Could I justify the way I am acting if there was someone else in my life.