Funny, MIZ, mine said the same thing, what's the real difference between now and before, not much has changed! Ok, stupid me!
I was never one to accept someone else's way of how my life should go, and H is no exception.
I realized yesterday that H is almost a stranger to me. After 2 yrs he has become someone I don't know at all, not only MLC guy, but him, his likes, dislikes, eating habits, friends, entertainment, even his conversation is different.
Not only is he MLC gone, he's gone to me as familiar friends, it's almost awkward. When he holds me, I try, but it's meaningless to me. I tried pushing it to hold on to something between us, I held him back, I rubbed his back, but it's not there, it's emotionless.
I hope this is normal, and if we ever head into forgiveness and reconciliation all will return in it due time, even better. If not I am getting more comfortable w moving on as he slips away.
Today is another cooler day in the Midwest, and I need to get out! I am never up this early but I have H radar, I hate it, and woke up as soon as H Didn't come home this morning. So now I'm up, aware he's not here, assuming he's w EA cleaning up another tragedy.
I need a coffee buddy, nice walk, coffee, and plans for tonight
The past can't be ahead of you in the future. You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction. What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
