Not confused...moving towards acceptance

[BRNR]

Thanks GM - Your words really soothed my soul. You have an excellent handle on where I am, and gave me some clarity too!

Deep down I know I can't be replaced. But surface, shallow, things are eating me alive. I know I need to let go more when it comes to the kids. I don't like seeing them in pain and hurt, but I am stepping back and letting them go through this their way. This is my next step on this journey.

My boys are my world. Sometimes I think that this may have also destroyed my marriage. Maybe I put them first a lot. But I don't regret that, but it does sadden me that maybe H and I weren't compatible with this morale.

My boys are now in the sarcastic comment stage of dealing with this sitch. I laugh internally sometimes at the things that come out of their mouths about their feelings on H, but try to turn their negatives into positives.

I forget what exactly my S10 said yesterday, but it was something like "Mom, it seems Dad likes his new life, but NEVER smiles anymore" I asked "He never smiles?" He says "NO,NEVER."

I find that may be telling. My kids make me smile just seeing them. Can he be that unhappy that not even his children can make smile? Smiling requires so little effort, but has a big impact.

GM - You said something like " I so wanted to be one of the lucky ones and come out of this with my family intact." I too am hoping for this. Some days my feeling of this is more, sometimes it is less. As Snodderly would say "I waiver"...a lot!

The more we go, the more I know in my heart that their is something wrong with him (ie MLC, depression, etc.). In my heart I can't believe that this is the typical way a marriage breaks down and ends. Maybe I am wrong, but it is what I believe at the moment.