Hi Linda, thanks for checking in. I've been doing fine, really digging in at work, bicycle riding and repairing, along with other projects around the house. Going out with friends now and then. I'm told that I'll be allowed to offer another 8 week TKD class at my workplace in the next month or so. I really enjoyed running the last one, and my students loved it too!
No new dreams have been mentioned to me. Last time W had one she said it happens every 4 weeks or so. She accepted a hair brushing from me a couple nights back just like she's been doing.
The SA with brother, and the March 2012 incident with me is only part of W's pain. Mostly it seems a desperate search for happiness, with the feeling that something is missing deep in her soul and time running out to find it. She doesn't seem angry at me.
Since her "awakening" when her Mom died, W's been big into "signs from the universe"... the thing is, I know people can often interpret signs in many ways, depending on what it is they want to see. She's convinced that she's missed out on life... and love. She recently told me she's not happy, but knows she still can be happy if she doesn't wait too long.
Look! There's a sign for me!
One of the things W told me at BD was that she wants to be independent and discover who she is. Was always "afraid to live life". Now seems to be searching for a new identity, and of course can't do that with me around! I know everything about the old her, and was the biggest part of it. This is why she has separated herself from me. I represent the old her that she's unhappy with.
Thankfully, this half of her has been giving the other half plenty of space!
By granting W all the space she desires, she seems content to stay in our home while treating me civilly, even if she is withdrawn and cool. I believe she has to figure out who she is/wants to be, before she'll really love me. I don't know if I'll still be here when this happens, but I'm here now, with no plans of going anywhere any time soon.
Originally Posted By: uRw
I really hope that she begins to see that she needs to get help to deal with it all.
And you are doing the right thing in letting her talk, seeing she it is safe to do so with you and giving her plenty of space to figure it out.
Thank you. I hope she figures it out too. (and soon!)
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Oh and I hope you dont mind, but, I want in when you take TVS out for her birthday. LOL!
Awwww, I'd love to get together with you and TVS and RH and... but I'm not sure how we could do that. I'm also a little concerned that going out with all you hot women may not exactly be the best DB strategy for me right now!
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
