Do NOT respond to her. She is trying to pull you in. It is her way of getting control. She is still looking for a reaction from you. Don't give her one.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Looks like most traffic is on my thread while I'm asleep.
Sorry Sandi I had already replied. My gut does tell me she is playing a game. It's a bit raw all this D talk I feel I need to know.
I do tend to mind read, I could be writing on here all day with my mind reading. Not sure how to stop other than don't think about the sitch at all but when emails and stuff start coming in I start again.
No reply from W yet. I'm very confident she will have got my question by now (there I go again!!).
M36 W31 S4 S2 T5 M4 BD Jan12 S July12 Recon Sep12-Nov12 ILBINILWY Jan13 OM x 2 in 2013 W wants R July 13 I start D. Jan 14. Meet GF Nov 13 Have I changed enough? Jul 14
I think getting clarification is always a good thing. She can't control him if he doesn't let her.
. She has already gotten a reaction from T, and now he is the one waiting to see what she will say. It is game playing to get him back under her thumb. I don't think the men see it, but I thought the ladies would see through it. That girl is just pulling on his chain tighter.
I would not be surprised to find out that she has not talked seriously to any lawyer. I think this may be coming from her only, to shake T up.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Hmmm interesting but I guess I see it in a different way.
And if she's that ...whatever T, why is it you want to stay married to her? I haven't really seen many positives mentioned about her.
Most people operate based on what they've learned works for them, most of it not a conscious decision. T, I've seen evidence or you doing it, I do it, most people try to control, try to manipulate, try to have things our way because it hurts when we don't get that.
From what you describe of her past, she probably does have a need to control. It doesn't give her a free pass but her issues don't give you one either
What do you know about boundaries, T?
About your response to the text, I suggested you ask an open-ended question because you were unsure (or at least it seemed) as to what she meant.
You had already tried to guess what she meant as indicated by the possible responses you were coming up with. The best way to find out what someone really means is by asking. "Hey, I'm not sure I understand what you mean when you say...."
You may not get the whole truth but you might get closer to it and you won't be reacting based on a story you've told yourself about what she means.
I read through most of your threads over the last couple of days and you and W both have done a lot of tit-for-tat, game playing, gotcha stuff.
Take the focus off her and put it back on you. You are the only person you can change.
If you have trouble setting boundaries, work on that. Know where your line is.
Become the man you want to be no matter what your W, or any other person in your life does.
So who is that man?
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
"The advice I've been given is that the more we can work out between us rather than going to and from the solicitors the more costly this is going to be. You wish to persue everything to and fro solicitors then that is how you wish to proceed."
M36 W31 S4 S2 T5 M4 BD Jan12 S July12 Recon Sep12-Nov12 ILBINILWY Jan13 OM x 2 in 2013 W wants R July 13 I start D. Jan 14. Meet GF Nov 13 Have I changed enough? Jul 14
