Nero, I'm just gonna send you some love, and hope things get easier for you as the days count down till tue.
Are you going to FL with him after his visit? Oh man, it's gotta be hard to be relient on him for that, just remember he's an alien visiting from another planet, he's not familiar w our ways!
((((((nero)))))))))
The past can't be ahead of you in the future. You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction. What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
The hardest thing to get your head arond is that the rejection isn't personal. Sounds weird, but they are'nt doing it to you, it is all about them and they are (so I understand) acting out what you represent.
Everyone will tell you that the OW doesn't begin to compare with you - as Snodderly says, they affair down, but it all feels like a slap in the face.
OK they mean to hurt, but it is coming from their damaged self, not the person who we loved and cherished. Dr Jekyll loved us, Mr Hyde doesn't love anybody, and indeed the people he can stand to be around aren't usually very pleasant people.
I have been continuing to blitz my garden, and it is looking less like an abandoned lot and more like somewhere you might want to spend time!! Have built a compost bin out of old pallets, and wrapped it round with split cane fencing, and feel like an earth mother as a result.
Take care, and protect your inner core by remembering it is all about him.
I HATE the rejection thing too!!! How is everyone managing? My nose gets out of joint and I look at him and wonder, how the "flink" can YOU reject ME? are you serious? If you could see him vs. me, y'all would wonder what I see!
Then I feel really rejected because I know its not about looks, but whats inside. I have given this man everything and he rejects me? I don't understand!! What more could he be wanting? ((((TOSSING MY HANDS IN THE AIR)))...venting!!
Boy- did you ever say a mouth ful. THAT WOULD about cover it all for me too- same deal.
everything i type this morning turns into a rant- so i'm going to just leave it there for the moment.
thanks for commenting. it amazes me and is awful to think there are soooo many of us feelin the same thing. what the heck is going on here????? i'm askin ya.
i keep thinking same thing - then go searching again thinking what an expenditure of my time it will be driving allover creation to get the teeth- go for fitting- pick back up (hopefully only for a day or two - they say anyway). i didn't ask price - now i'll have to listen (til i die) about how too much it was - it's always something.
i know inside it's "her" not me- the neeeed to have an "enemy" allllll the time to vent her frustration at being old - and she can't fix it . she says THAT rite out. BUT - THEN, i'm her only kid around she feels ABLE TO B!TCH AT_- you know, have POWER of any kind whatsoever over anything or anyone- so ta da. EVEN KNOWING IT in my head and hert - and i do , believe me - WHEN she RANTS and gets going- something inside just RESPONDS to your mother/s demands, complaints- "PAIN" OR so i assume.
whatever it is- however much (so far anyway) i have it in a place in me- she opens hermouth and i jump. and if i don't "jump" rite then- i do ultimately. i hate to think she's sufferin or unhapyp or needs something really badly which i know NO ONE else is goig to bother to know or do-
so , bippity - boppity- there i go. i need to find someone to stop in on her when i'm gone (a big job) need to begin today.
appt for teeth is today. H in fl took his aunt to hospital yesterday with pneumonia - she's very bad. smoked for 60+ yrs and her lungs are in very bad shape - if antibiotics can kick the disease - will see if she can be taken off ventilator. i feel sorry- she's a nice woman and probably he's closer to her than was his dad or mother even.
geeeez - always something huh?
xxoo i'm not sure how much his dad's death in march & now this affects him. he says (and thinks? ) he's not terrible affected by it all -
he cares and can't even admit to self. i don't think he knows that you don't do this stuff if you don't "care".
i guess he hates the notion in his head that he could "care" for anyone??? is that what it is??? idk- i may be one giant emotional basket case alot- but i'm glad i know what i care about and can say it and feel it and no shame there.
Thanks for the love and i'll take it. it's a big joke here- my life. no teeth anywhere - going today 1:30 to begin process of new pair. i'm hoping they're quick - hate to think of that poor old thing not even being able to eat and enjoy food. i mean, really - at that point it's about all there is l3eft.
need to go get her a coffee cake now that i say it- she's a goodie freak and i think (rather suddenly) she's forgetting she can go to that big white box over there in the kitchen and find food!!! oh man
YOU ARE RITE - YOU know me so well- i'm feeling stress about him coming here.
Even tho i do know in my heart it's about him - not me - things he's said pop into my head - it was such a shock for him to really "let me have it" 2 yrs ago- the few little stupid & rotten (& personal) things are just "in there" and pop out sometimes. like my mother's voice (eeeeek - mother's power over us) my gut responds when it "hears" his voice.
i got thinking yesterday that one thing he said , when i found out and we had a first giant confrontation about ow & all THIS - WHEN I SAID so just sell me your half of house for half of what we paid? , give it to me? , named another price or two and he refused and said "buy me out at full market value " and when i asked why he would nickel & dime me about this when he's got more money than he knows what to do with-
he said " i'm teaching you a lesson". wtf - what the heck that lesson exactly is - idk. he never fleshed it rite out all the way.
i thought of it yesterday- wondering if it's a lesson about "abandoning" him - per someone's quote in their post. BUT THEN if he cheated with her 20 yrs ago- me going to nj and him not wanting to leave his stupid state can't be the lesson - i thought the lesson was "don't love a jerk like him tooo much - it 'BURDENS HIM to hae someone love him. that was what i think the lesson was/is.
idk- i think assuming i was/am his 'EQUAL' IN a r is the lesson- he has to be the king and i have to sit at his feet & worship-
his verbal spiel began as "you don't have to cook & clean and turn into a house maid - " at the beginning and it allll became my job and i did, in fact, turn into ahousemaid.
i am having big trouble getting out of that mindset - i see myself spinning thinking i should be cleaning & making yard look nice, etc. B S - IT IS BS AND I'M BUYING INTO IT. it's this comeing and going.
for years - feels like he arrives to LOOK ME & PLACE OVER AND SEE IF HE LIKES WHAT HE SEES (go jump in lake please) and then when he leaves - it's BECAUSE HE DOES NOT LIKE WHAT HE FINDS HERE & IN ME....
OH WELL- you can see where i am today- cleaning & trying to continue my organization & tidy for self (attempting an orderly mind by fixing surroundings (it's a good good thing) but finding it impossible due to other "demands" that come along- my mother's been rather constant lately.
now he's coming here tue - in time to mess up my plans (sheesh) and now his aunt in hospital (probably will be a reason for him to use to shove off coming here- idk - honestly- i jsut wish if he's going to "use it" he doesn't wait til lst minute and f up my plans further)
SOMEHOW my left pinky finger hits something - shift maybe??? and i end up sending out my stupid post- so that's that.
just sayin
solong from the whirling dervish me
xxoo and i hope you're doing okay- sorry to be all me me me me today.
your acceptance of the "it's not you" idea is good. i believe it's true. we do get ALLLL THE BLAME - it's hurtful & unfair- but i need to follow own advice and Not take it persnally.
i'm glad to hear you feeling a bit better with that- and staying put for moment in your little place and dawnland. hope it goes okay for a bit. i sure think ofyou every single time i realize i'm stressed by him coming- what will i get- pleasant or ratty- and re-realize the stress of interaction.
whole different ballgame from stress of not seeing them enough/too much- oh man........ onward & upward huh? i got nothin inspiring me this morning tht i can find or see...
ah Nero, you're right, your life does sort of svck right now. You have such a burden to carry with your sick mom and your sicker husband. And so sorry to hear about your poor aunt in FL, that is rough. But I am trying to think positive and be happy where I am now, for what I have now. You too...you are alive and healthy right? Have a nice house to live in, with heat in the winter and air conditioning in the summer? A garden! Running water! Hey you can see and have TEETH! So what if our H's think they don't care about us, we know better right? And we're good! Rah rah us! Razz razz OW -- they are the real losers in this sick story!
What are the plans your H is messing up by maybe showing up and maybe not showing up on Tuesday? Maybe you should just follow through with YOUR plans and let him stew along in the house for a while! And how did the dental appointment go? Did the teeth show up as Snodderly predicted?
Linda
Me 65, Ex 64 M 38 y 2 adult S, 4 G-Kids MLC 11/07 BD 12/09 D 3/14 Dating nice guy 7/14 Engaged to nice guy 12/17
I agree soo much, don't let him change anything about your plans or how you live. I was angry when I read he changes your plans, you change your plans and act different, don't do that!
Pick him up if you have to at the airport, but that should be the extent of him interrupting your life. You owe him nothing! How would he even come towards you an inch if your always available?
Don't cook, eat out if you can or eat w a friend or mom, at least enough for him to see change. DO NOT CLEAN UP ANYTHING....leave his mess, dishes, EVERYTHING! They do find a way to do it themselves! Mine does! And he works 70 hrs a week at times, and he found time to do his own Sh!t. Yours is retired!
Take a strong stand for your self and plan on doing the opposite of what he's expecting! If your not sure, come here and ask us, there are plenty of us who will tell you how to let him go! You don't post when he's there! Don't change, if he asks say I belong to a garden club, and say nothing more!
Put a password on your computer! you disappear from us right when we could be there for you!
He's too complacent, be mysterious, you owe him nothing! Be light, quiet, quick but polite, gone at times, return happy to make yourself a cup of coffee and do something alone, throw him a HI as you breeze by! Don't wait for an answer!
I do all this and now he's doing the dishes, sweeping, asking me to watch tv, asking me if I'm ok, I don't even say by when I leave, or say were I've been. Now he's having to ask me! He doesn't come back to fortify his leaving you, he's tied to you some how, make him earn it!
Nero, you put my friend down too much, don't say stuff like he doesn't like what he finds. He's a guy....who keeps coming back...he likes something...guys aren't that methodical...it's simple....he keeps coming back!
Now don't make me have to drive to NJ and show you a mirror to prove to you what we're all saying here, your a great women, I'm sure your beutiful, now make it harder for him...change up your game!
Go buy a sundress, get your toes done, put up that red hair, red hair...are you kidding me, that's every man dream! Put on some dangeling earrings, go to kohl's, they have cute stuff, not stuffy like the more expensive places.
Work it! My mom is 63, strawberry blond, freckles galore, short,130 lbs, and she works it in white shorts, sunglasses, and confidence. Nothing like me, I got the Latina look from my dad, mixed race here, tho of course I didn't get the beutiful tan, I'm a ghost w dark hair.
You've been at this a long time, change it up, go for what's best for you, not how he will react! Don't fear loosing him all together, he smells that!
I wish you the best of luck, really stop insulting yourself, you probably so off base and hurting for nothing!
Tell me what you think! Tell me what YOU think and what YOU want!
The past can't be ahead of you in the future. You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction. What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
