Harder and Harder..............II

[Positivespin]

Once again - The upping of the Wellbutrin has really helped.

I am at 199.0 - I did it! Its my college weight. I need 6-8 more to be considered "Normal" BMI.

I am working on my co- dependency issues by making SELF a stronger individual. I noticed that after W left I was Co-D using D3.

Its Bad

So I went to the beach.........with myself.
So many monsters in my head giving me ample reasons why NOT to do it. Overwhelming, what will I do all day? Will I be the only one alone- Will all the other couples and happy families look, laugh and see me as the lonely looser?

What I learned BY GOING MYSELF is that I think some folks were jealous of me. I didnt have anyone nagging me or arguing with me. no other persons a$$ to kiss or the sense that i was responsible to make sure that everyone around me was having a good time.

I was responsible for me and it was f'ing weird.

I LOVE my wife but it took this step to open my eyes to the fact that If I wanted to do something, and I wanted my wife to go, that I was always so focused on her emotions that I may not have enjoyed myself.

Im also thinking about tomorrow and the FUTURE as I have no control over what W will do. If SHE gives up on us and files for D I now understand that the stronger I am going into that awful process that the faster a recovery will be.

There is a whole lot of happiness out there somewhere- I just need to find it...........and I will!