No more games- suckerpunch

[labug]

Moving (on) *forward* means being a whole independent person having a fulfilling life with or without your W. Making plans, being interesting,

I am independant, have been for 8 months, longer really, if you consider the time leading up to BD. I can take care of myself and make it through any obstacle I encounter, with the exception of getting over losing my W. I think my co-dependancy is minimal if any, at this point. I am making plans. I am doing a lot of activity, probably more today than in the past few years. I have never NOT been interesting. I am borderline on being the Dos XX's guy....haha

I am "fullfilled" in my life as a father, as a business owner, as a friend. I am fullfilled with the relationships I have and the things that I do, with one exception. I simply miss having someone to share it with, namely my wife. But perhaps I am only holding on to W, because I don't know anyone different. Maybe I have tunnel vision? I just don't know.

knowing people who don't know you as that poor guy who got sc@wed over by his W or some other variant of that.

I am lacking in this aspect. EVERYONE I know more than likely sees me this way, but at the same time I am not willing to replace my network of friends and family. I don't know how to change this. I don't know if it will ever change. I don't know if it really matters.

If you would consider dating (a) because your friends tell you constantly and you don't stand up to them for what you feel and need or (b) to "help you heal" or (c) while you are totally against it or (d) for any reason whatsoever connected to your previous relationship, don't do it. Those are terrible reasons to date. It seems like you know you're not ready and you question your own judgment on that, why?

I wouldn't date for ANY of those reasons. I do however find myself wanting someone to share time with, more and more every day. I am starting to have those idol thoughts about, " might be nice to date". I think my friends are seeing or feeling this too, and that is why they mention it. Perhaps I am at that point. I don't know. When do you know it's the right time? Do the romantic feelings for my wife need to be gone? I don't think that is every going to happen soon, probably ever, but at the same time I don't want to live my life alone. So, when does a person know when it's time to start jumping back in to the dating pool?

It sounds like you need to spend more time getting to know who you are irregardless of and independent of W, as long as it takes.

Hang in there...

I hear this kind of introspective advice a lot, and it gets lost on me. I am not sure if I am just not that in touch with my feelings and emotions, or if I am just a "man's man" or why. But, I don't get it. I feel that I already know who I am. I already know where I am going. I have zero plans to change my life completely in regards to where I live, how I work, who I socialize with. What is left to find? What sort of things am I supposed to be looking for? What kind of insight to my self do I need to find? If it has anything to do with self improvement, I get that. I am all in. I want to be a better person, better father, better spouse. I still need to work on it, but that is one thing I have FOUND. I would like some more input on this. I fear that maybe I am missing a large piece of introspect that I just don't get.

Just wanted to bring this to the fore.