Blindsided

[chl0901]

Still trying to read DB when I can...I have only been reading a little bit at a time when I can secretly. I don't want anyone at work or H especially to see me reading it (I haven't told any family/friends of our problems - everyone thinks we're just great - H I'm sure has told OW).

I was feeling really down last night laying in bed next to H watching tv (normal routine) with everything that is going on. I was hoping, wishing he would put his arm around me or "make a move," which of course didn't happen. I really miss his touch and that level of comfort it gives me (even though when I did have it he was still unhappy and I didn't know).

H actually texted me this morning, "have a good day." That was a pleasant surprise, but I'm trying not to look too much into it. I responded, "Thank you, I hope you do too!" I really wanted to add "I LOVE YOU" at the end but did not, because I do not want him to feel pressured to say it back or be disappointed if/when he didn't. He responded back to me, "I'll try."

I've been doing really well with the eating right and exercising since the BD and am starting to see a difference in my waist when looking into the mirror. I made the mistake of getting onto a scale the other day (I knew I shouldn't have but it was so tempting!) and had not lost as much as I thought. However, I have been doing some strength training a couple of times a week so maybe that's part of the reason. I'm not going to get discouraged though, because I was already wanting/needing to make these changes and this whole deal is also great motivation.