I just found this site, and I wish I had found it months ago. I got the divorce bomb a little over a month ago. We had previously been in marriage counseling for over a year before that. After reading Michele's book I look back at our counseling and marvel at how bad it really was. That is moot at this point anyway.
My wife has said that she is done. She has tried and tried to get through to me, but she is done trying. Ironically she seemed to impart more information after she announced the divorce than the previous year. She said that she was thinking about divorcing me 6 months before she announced it, and a conversation with some friends from work when she was at a conference cemented her decision. She waited until one of our counseling sessions to announce it, but she could barely get it out. The next week we had another session and she whipped out a notepad and I knew I was in trouble. She had a friend help her write her divorce speech, because she says she wasn't forcefull enough the first time.
She admittedly has a problem with confrontation, and tends to not say when she is upset. Because of this problem she doesn't tell me when there is a problem until it blows up. I'm sure there are still things that I'm unaware of that she holds against me. She also tries to mind read, and assumes my motives and future behavior without talking to me.
For my part I battled depression for quite some time, and I think that was a catalyst for all this. I thought wrongly that if I got better and dilligently followed the marriage counseling that everything would work out. Our sessions gradually turned into how our core values just don't match. I was still fighting the same battle grasping at straws, and she was talking about something else. Only now do I realize what she was talking about.
One major issue is our house project. I've let it slep over the years, and she is tired of living in a contruction zone. I also have a tendancy to not finish things, and flit from project to project. I'm trying to rectify that now, but it's too little too late.
We are currently sleeping apart. She says this situation is untenable and is currently looking for a place. I only found our she was looking for a place because it came out in a counseling session, otherwise I would still have no idea. She is basically wainting for mediation before she moves out. She wants to get custody settled first, but she won't talk to me about it at all beforehand. I'm left with having to think of the worst outcome for me and my time with the kids. I want to do this meeting with Michele before the mediation, but she is in a real hurry to get out.
I had started the Last Resort Technique but I am having a hard time because she has kept so much to herself. I am also trying to get her to go with me to see Michele. I had gotten her to agree, but I didn't count on our pastor cautioning her against it. I was forced to come out and talk about Michele and her method of therapy. He even suggested that my wife get on these forums and call Michele's office.
I feel now like I'm sunk. What little hope I had I feel like our pastor destroyed. I don't know what to do. I don't want our daughters to go through this. My wife has convinced herself that they're going to just shake this off, but I think that is more about her justifing this to herself. I really don't want to be a part-time Dad, and I'm afraid to challenge her too much on the divorce. My lawyer cautioned me that divorce law is slanted towards the wife, especially with little girls involved.
Hi, I am glad you finally found us. Coming to see Michele is fantastic and we would be happy to talk to your wife. Please call for more info on that or our coaching program, which is something you can do on your own and you will immediately have a plan of what to do next. Take care.
Karen, Resource Coordinator The Divorce Busting Center 303-444-7004 karen@divorcebusting.com
Give me a call if you'd like to schedule an appointment to speak with a Divorce Busting® Coach.
I'm in the process of trying to get her to agree again to go. I've been in contact with Virginia. How successful are these sessions? It's a lot of money to plunk out, but I'm hoping that she at least becomes more open to me. Right now her first priority is the divorce, and I just don't know if anything will help.
I think she will be moving out soon. I think that after mediation the divorce will come quickly. I'm worried that I won't have the ability to do the Last Resort Technique, because it will be over soon.
Get a list together of all her complaints and issues. How you have your interactions, her latest list of complaints, and any other information you thing is important and call a DB coach if you can afford it. Its so customized to your situation, and these people have heard it all. I've read stories on here that the marriage was deader than yours, but was till saved.
What are you 180's, what are you doing for GAL? If you could go back in time, what are some of the things you'd do different, and are you working on them now? Its important that you give her some time and space, but work on your own issues for now.
I wish I could give you some better advice, but the experts/vets here have been down this path. Their advice is spot on, as even thou all our situations are unique, they are also somewhat scripted. Good Luck
