Not confused...moving towards acceptance

[BRNR]

Just venting/updating.

H is still angry. Won't even look at me long enough to have a conversation about the children. When will he just get over it already?

I did give him the tax return yesterday, not a word or even a thank you.

Unfortunately his behavior has forced me to go dark on him. As if that can last forever when we have children.

To make matters worse, I had a rough night last night. Apparently the boys had a good night with dad and OW. Even saying "they have this, we did that, at their place" etc, etc.
I didn't ask for info, the kids just talked to me about their night and unknowingly stabbed ME in the heart with the happiness of their night. I shooed them off to bed.

I feel like I am losing ground here. H doesn't communicate ZERO and now things are going "GOOD" over with H/OW. I just want to give up. H has ruined my life and feels the need to treat me as if I am the cause. He bad mouths me to my children, blames everything on me (to the point I feel like a piece of crap). I sooo badly wants someone to hold me, cry with me, and lift my spirits up.

To top it off, my birthday is soon and H was typically the only one who ever acknowledged it. I realized this morning that day he has the boys, so I won't even get to share it with my kids.

The need to do "something" is very strong this morning. I want to tell H so badly what he has done to me, that our marriage is worth saving.

I am afraid that the grass may be greener where he is. Things are progressing forward with him and OW. They (H&OW) are really pitting my kids against me and trying to make me the bad guy and trying to make my boys think they will be better off with them. (And from the sounds of it, it may be working.) They are trying to build a happy family life together. That is MY family.

WHY is he doing this to me?????? Why? I loved him, took care of him, our home, and our children. And now I am being treated as if I caused him to do this. He treats strangers better than me.

I am in a bad state emotionally this morning.