Questions without answers...will the hurt stop?

[RosaLinda]

Dawn, congratulations on one year of DBing! That's quite an accomplishment!

You actually know your H's EA enough that she calls you?! Holy cow. My H's first EA was a user too, but in a different way. She was an unattractive insecure divorced woman who was Jewish in a country where Jews are looked down on. He showered her with gifts and attention, and sent flowers to her job. He also wired $2,100 to her as an "investment." i think she just liked the attention and gifts. He made her feel special and loved in front of her coworkers. The email sex talk seems strange to me. I don't know what a woman would get out of a man writing stuff like how he wanted to kiss and fondle her boobs and other less exposed body parts, when he'd never really seen them. That wouldn't be my cup of tea. 

"OW is not your H's GF, she is his crutch! There is no R there other than sickness and lies, and misery. The H OW gets is not a person you would want to be with or deal w as he spirals down, let her deal w him, take his sh!t, in the end they will hate each other. Then he will deal w his own fallout, while you have been GAL of your own, and then it will be your choice to let him in or not."

i am pretty sure this new GF of his is just a user, pure and simple. She wants to marry an American man to get a green card, and latched onto my H, her weak sucker who will do almost everything she tells him too. Unfortunately though, since he has been misrepresenting himself to her as a businessman, I think she'll end up hating him when she learns he has been leading her on. 

Does your H give his EA money? Thanks for that link to that man Newman's story about his MLC. Similar to what Wonka wrote! It gave me such hope that the man wrote that he always loved his wife throughout the whole crazy MLC. This part really blew my mind (showing my age there ):

"Odd as it may sound to anyone reading this I never did stop loving my wife. I had displaced her......To somehow justify my actions I lied and said that I loved her (OW) to ease my guilty conscience and moralize my infidelity, I said that I was “in love”. Somehow in a childish mind “love” is supposed to excuse such behaviors. I was like a child exposed and caught in a wrong."

My H has told at least eight women that he was "in love" with them after he broke up with EA in 9/2011, several at the same time. Those are just the ones I read his email exchanges with. He has a script he writes to each of his new language exchange pen pals, about how he has so nobly stayed with his lying cheating wife for all these years for the children (does not mention their ages - 27 and 38!), desscribes his first crush, says he thought he would never feel that way again but SHE brought back all of those old feelings. If the pen pal "bites," and they often do because these are mostly lonely divorced women longing for romance, he's off and running. They get into a hot and heavy relationship, and he dropped them within 3 months. Over and over. Like an addiction. He even did that to the Russian Tramp he's hooked up with now. 

The ironic thing is that I had decided that these women were no threat to me, since they all lived 3,000 miles away. He told me a lot about all of them, even RT, and read me parts of their emails. I stopped reading his emails with them - I had decided it was all just a lot of lies, and figured it would stop when he came out of MLC. Then, the RT returned the end of January, and he graduated into the EA-PA he's in now. I still have hope that he will wake up like this Newman did, like Wonka did. 

"I was supposed to be headed back to the OW house after a property division talk with my wife when I woke up. I was driving at the time and it came on me that suddenly. I wailed out loud with a loud groan that seemed to come from my stomach. Followed by questioning: What am I doing here? WTF have I done?, how could I have done this to the most important person in my life? How could I have hurt her like this? And who is this woman that’s been in my bed?"

all I can say is WOW....I hope and pray for that day of awakening for all of our spouses. And keep up our PMA in the meanwhile!

Nero, I think it's natural to resent your mother. I think it's great that you found someone who will help her a couple of hours a day. that will free you from some of the burden. That MDW book you mentioned about feelings sounds good. Maybe I should get that one too!

"FEELINGS CHANGE. YOU MAY FEEL THIS TODAY- THAT TOMORROW. DON'T PUT ALL THAT MUCH WEIGHT IN THEM - AND THINK TWICE ABOUT ACTING ON THEM- MAY FEEL DIFFERENTLY VERY SOON."

That's good advice thanks.  Have a great day. Hope your weather is good in IL Dawn, looks like we're getting more rain here in NJ-NY.