DB seemingly backfired w/ my H???

[MrBond]

"Yes, it worked for me. I guess its the fact that the things I did on purpose, he noticed them all and they all had a negative reaction from him. So that's why I say they backfired on him. "

I still don't understand why you keep saying that they had a "negative" affect on your H. Have you read any other of the sitches on here where the spouses are abusive, venomous and critical? Your efforts had a positive affect even if he's not pounding on the door to get back together again. It got ride of negative tension. That's step one.

" I felt I was depending on the forum too much so I backed away in the 2 weeks before he arrived. It was already too late, he already made his mind a while ago, so I don't think anything I would have done would've "worked"."

Yes they would have. In fact, ALL WAS say that "it's too late" and how they thought about it "for years", etc. If you bothered to continue posting, you would learn that was all part of the script and could have come up with a plan for when he did arrive. In fact, you should not have been so available to him.

He noticed how you looked and how your attitude changed. Next was to show him that even though you want the M to work out, you don't NEED him. While at dinner with him, you could have excused yourself to text someone or had an arrangement of flowers at home. Something to show that you're a woman of worth. Inviting the friend over was a negative. It should have been just between you and him.

"(I was wondering if he's playing with my head, or just trying to back away nicely by saying it's not me, so I "heal & move one" and he won't feel any guilt?)."

He is playing with your head. It's a way of him controlling the situation. He wants to stay in control. YOU have to show him that you have a mind of your own and will not take all the blame for the failure of your M.

"H kept telling me "you're handling this so well". I knew I had to be strong b/c I didn't want my presence to = stress, I wanted to = peace. I wasn't perfect, I did get emotional at times and did cry, but I sucked it up with in a few moments. So even though H was standing there telling me he doesn't want to be with me, I replied in love & understanding. (totally different than I would have a few months ago lol)"

You handled it very well.

I can tell you one thing. If he had seen you with another guy, he would immediately get angry and call you names and say that you're not "honoring" the M. Again, it's more control.