I know everything about you You know everything about me We know everything about us
I can't do well when I think you're gonna leave But I know I try Are you gonna leave me now? Can't you be believing now?
This is from a song I love but haven't heard in a while, when this part played tonight in my car I got goose bumps remembering it is was my biggest fear, him leaving.
It's like a memory feeling as if we knew everything about each other, feeling as if we were an us, and fearing him leaving!
Tonight as he left for work he kissed my cheek, I had no response, he kissed my neck 3xs and said I should be " taking care of you". I think he feels he can't do much as a human man, but if he at least works, does chores, and attempts to ML, I should at least be content.
I think he doesn't want me to change a thing about our R, so he tries to keep me needing for very little. That is how he values himself, but I want everything he can't give me, that's were "he" changed our R.
The past can't be ahead of you in the future. You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction. What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
Dawn, congratulations on one year of DBing! That's quite an accomplishment!
You actually know your H's EA enough that she calls you?! Holy cow. My H's first EA was a user too, but in a different way. She was an unattractive insecure divorced woman who was Jewish in a country where Jews are looked down on. He showered her with gifts and attention, and sent flowers to her job. He also wired $2,100 to her as an "investment." i think she just liked the attention and gifts. He made her feel special and loved in front of her coworkers. The email sex talk seems strange to me. I don't know what a woman would get out of a man writing stuff like how he wanted to kiss and fondle her boobs and other less exposed body parts, when he'd never really seen them. That wouldn't be my cup of tea.
"OW is not your H's GF, she is his crutch! There is no R there other than sickness and lies, and misery. The H OW gets is not a person you would want to be with or deal w as he spirals down, let her deal w him, take his sh!t, in the end they will hate each other. Then he will deal w his own fallout, while you have been GAL of your own, and then it will be your choice to let him in or not."
i am pretty sure this new GF of his is just a user, pure and simple. She wants to marry an American man to get a green card, and latched onto my H, her weak sucker who will do almost everything she tells him too. Unfortunately though, since he has been misrepresenting himself to her as a businessman, I think she'll end up hating him when she learns he has been leading her on.
Does your H give his EA money? Thanks for that link to that man Newman's story about his MLC. Similar to what Wonka wrote! It gave me such hope that the man wrote that he always loved his wife throughout the whole crazy MLC. This part really blew my mind (showing my age there ):
"Odd as it may sound to anyone reading this I never did stop loving my wife. I had displaced her......To somehow justify my actions I lied and said that I loved her (OW) to ease my guilty conscience and moralize my infidelity, I said that I was “in love”. Somehow in a childish mind “love” is supposed to excuse such behaviors. I was like a child exposed and caught in a wrong."
My H has told at least eight women that he was "in love" with them after he broke up with EA in 9/2011, several at the same time. Those are just the ones I read his email exchanges with. He has a script he writes to each of his new language exchange pen pals, about how he has so nobly stayed with his lying cheating wife for all these years for the children (does not mention their ages - 27 and 38!), desscribes his first crush, says he thought he would never feel that way again but SHE brought back all of those old feelings. If the pen pal "bites," and they often do because these are mostly lonely divorced women longing for romance, he's off and running. They get into a hot and heavy relationship, and he dropped them within 3 months. Over and over. Like an addiction. He even did that to the Russian Tramp he's hooked up with now.
The ironic thing is that I had decided that these women were no threat to me, since they all lived 3,000 miles away. He told me a lot about all of them, even RT, and read me parts of their emails. I stopped reading his emails with them - I had decided it was all just a lot of lies, and figured it would stop when he came out of MLC. Then, the RT returned the end of January, and he graduated into the EA-PA he's in now. I still have hope that he will wake up like this Newman did, like Wonka did.
"I was supposed to be headed back to the OW house after a property division talk with my wife when I woke up. I was driving at the time and it came on me that suddenly. I wailed out loud with a loud groan that seemed to come from my stomach. Followed by questioning: What am I doing here? WTF have I done?, how could I have done this to the most important person in my life? How could I have hurt her like this? And who is this woman that’s been in my bed?"
all I can say is WOW....I hope and pray for that day of awakening for all of our spouses. And keep up our PMA in the meanwhile!
Nero, I think it's natural to resent your mother. I think it's great that you found someone who will help her a couple of hours a day. that will free you from some of the burden. That MDW book you mentioned about feelings sounds good. Maybe I should get that one too!
"FEELINGS CHANGE. YOU MAY FEEL THIS TODAY- THAT TOMORROW. DON'T PUT ALL THAT MUCH WEIGHT IN THEM - AND THINK TWICE ABOUT ACTING ON THEM- MAY FEEL DIFFERENTLY VERY SOON."
That's good advice thanks. Have a great day. Hope your weather is good in IL Dawn, looks like we're getting more rain here in NJ-NY.
Linda
Me 65, Ex 64 M 38 y 2 adult S, 4 G-Kids MLC 11/07 BD 12/09 D 3/14 Dating nice guy 7/14 Engaged to nice guy 12/17
so dawn- was it a year ago or two? somehow i thought you and i were on the same route here.
maybe it was 2 yrs ago found out- 1 yr ago "embraced" dbing.
it's sure been a long road and a bad diet - huh? tho, mind you, my back is better than in years (lost those 15 or 20 lb?) idk
nayway- i'm glad you two are there- and feel as you do.
i wish i'd hear a "voice" and response of a sort. i just always think - HONESTLY- MY whole discovery process (the couple events below- plopped rite in my stinkin lap- UNAVOIDABLE CONFRONTATION WITH TRUTH - i wasn't even looking or knowing a darn thing and KA BAM - FORCING ME HONESTLY TO KNOW IT ALL - - they found me - complete with finding this book were "THE HAND OF GOD" Leading me somewhere -
no kidding.
year before bomb - anyway- so - one day i run into his computer to turn it on and print something- and ka bam on screen - ow...
i ask about it (he's in fl) - he lies allabout it - i swallow it - i am sooo trusting & stupid - - i tra la away for anotehr year.
july 2011 - i fly down to fla in a rush because his step mom dying- i listen to phone messages and his cousin leaves one- a bit too too "friendly" - i go look at his "other" e-mail account- yes, sneak - and there it is - a love e-mail. i confront him & freak out - he is ratty, etc.=
a month later we're gettin colonoscopys (of all things) i'm a misery girl - but life goes on - rite - and i'm sittin in waiting room and he hands me his cellphone to hold while he's in there. geeeez - guy next to me strikes up convo about it- how to use it- m etc, i take a look and ka bam - ow for real e-mail- TOTAL GLOBAL ANNIHLATION-
TOTAL DESTRUCTION OF HEART/LIFE - i trudge forward - life goes on - rite....????
then there i am , doh de doh - walking like a zombie too feeling dead inside- no where to look for anyhthing hopeful or good to see 0- to snap me out of the misery. just thinking if a hole open4d in front of me and i died it wouldn't be so bad a thing. no kidding - how dreary & drastic.
thinking it might not be so bad to be dead- eek
we're at flea market - i'm just moping along- pick up mwd book - it flops open to mlc - i read a page and think OMG - THIS IS ME, THIS IS HIM , THIS IS US..... buy it -
finding it- reading it- changed my life in the sense that i'm doing this- trying this-
found this site- everyone in the universe i know (inside or out) thinks i'm nuts to be here. tho, my more reasonable couple goodbuddies can admit that after soooo many years- they do not know how they (for real) would react and what they would do-
SOOOOOO - FATE? WHAT? GOD? I LIKE TO THINK? somehow i feel like praying is whining and asking for favors. i ask for direction and ability to "do my part right for everyone- help them along their journey" my mom. feels wrong to ask for something for myself- other than direction & strength.
upbringing i guess- diy - don't ask - be a man... butch up-
so forth
glad i met you two- glad we're here holding hands around the campfire-
where from here ? from today- idk-
coom by ah my Lord, know that song - girlscouts ? idk-
That's a rough way to learn about an affair, Nero, I'm so sorry that happened to you. At least I was snooping because I was suspicious. It hurt, but I was not blindsided like you. But Nero, read that blog that Dawn posted on the previous page. It is mind-boggling, like the stuff Wonka posted about her own MLC. We feel like zombies trying to cope, but the MLCer is the REAL zombie! We just need to "let it go" until the day they wake up and beg our forgiveness. Then WE will have to decide if we still want them. Maybe not....
Sure I know that song, so glad to have my fellow girl scouts sitting around the campfire with me, holding my hand and bucking me up during my times of weakness. TVS is making drinks, anybody got the makings for som-mores?
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