New and need encouragement

[Demoted26]

I have learned that an affair is not a deal breaker for me. I hoping still that my M can be saved, but if not then hopefully DB and DR will make me a better person, more like the woman H fell in love initially. I know some of his friends have told him he'd be a fool to walk away from someone who is still willing to stand beside him despite all he's done to the family.

NQ, I'm sorry you are hurting. I'm glad you are strong for your son. He needs that so much right now.
Keep up the good work on that front.

Sounds like your H has some friends who think highly of you. Be glad for that! Maybe, eventually, he'll listen to them.
I'm totally with you on the friends YOU have telling you to kick his butt to the curb. Mine all say the same thing; take him for everything, make him pay, hes an a$$hole. Um, yeah. Not my style.
Its strange to defend someone that's hurting you so much, huh? Then YOU look (& feel) like the ahole.
My H new friends barely know me, we've each met twice. I fed them in my home on holidays. I was kind, and tried to be accomodating.
What do they tell my H? Get a D, its easier, everyone will be happier. Both are D'd multiple times.
Whatever!! THEY are weak & selfish in my eyes...their children are the ones truely paying the price.

At least my MIL said it was "sad", not sure what all else. I haven't brought it up, haven't wanted to put her in the middle of this crap, especially since I KNOW who's side she'll take. Once my BILs find out, I KNOW they will tell my H he's nuts. They have repeatedly told him how lucky he was, over the years, to have a "cool" wife like me.

My H complained I an not the same girl he married, too. I would hope not!! I was 19. If I still acted that way in my mid 40s THAT would the problem( something seriously wrong)! But I get the point behind the comment. I think we lose ourselves lots of times in a marriage...like you said, hard experiences in life change you too! I'm sorry about your son passing. I can't even imagine that. I lost my mom when I was 10 & it changed me forever. I can imagine the same happening from your loss of your son. Hugs!!

We are also very similar in the fact that we originally believed affairs would be the "deal breaker" & out turned out they weren't. My H's EA/PA was 10 years ago, with another possible EA now...I thought I could never forgive it. I did & I'm trying.

I just wish your H would REALLY work on your M if he says thats what he wants. Its cruel of him to day it, then not even honestly TRY.
So confusing. I can't imagine whats going on in his mind.
It must honestly be awful to be so conflicted.
Keep your chin up. I'm pulling for you!