Is this cake eating 14

[NLW]

So, Just dropping in to get some stuff off my chest.

I worry about the extent of my reactions to what XH does - but then i think that it's justified....

I have been NC for a few weeks. Quite nice except for the inevitable tantrums that the kids throw like clockwork after their dad calls them on their phones and upsets them.

I feel much more detached.

XH rang the kids yesterday and asked them to go out to dinner with him. It's a Thursday and it seems that this is OW's late working night (as he always asks them or us out on this night of the week).

As usual they didn't want to go, but I encouraged and they rang to accept.
I had no expectations of being asked to go with (even though he had asked me two weeks ago in the same scenario). I was not disappointed. he rang during the day to say "Thank you very much for 'letting' the kids go to dinner with me."
He's very tricky like that. I just reciprocated civil with civil.

He turned up as 'nice XH'.

I tried not to get too worked up when i saw that he was wearing yet another new Ralph Lauren jumper, new french-cuffed shirt and new silver cuff links (together with the glitzy Tiffany ring that OW bought him that now has a permanent place on his 'friendship finger' - yuk). He gives the kids just $7 a day in child support because he has claimed his income is so low.

Then he said the following:
Hey D17, you now have footballers stalking you!

What do you mean? says D17

The guys (referring to the 20-30yos in his football team) saw your photo on my phone and asked who the hot chick was. I told them it was my daughter. They think you are cute.

D17: bristling and decidedly uncomfortable: I'm not CUTE.

XH: No that's not exactly how they described you.... (salacious eye-rolling)

YUK

XH has prostituted himself by having OW pay for all his expenses, holidays and employees' salaries, and is now pimping his daughter around his football team.

I'm over-reacting right?

He keeps wanting D17 to come out to the football with him - even asked her to come to training a couple weeks ago and run with the team.

He has a history of 'trading' on who he knows - he likes to be able to say he knows important or interesting people and make connections. He's really achieved nothing in and of himself, but ingratiates himself with others who have, and then trades on who he knows.

He used to say he dreaded the time that our daughter would be old enough to have boyfriends - as he "Knew what men and boys are like" and half-joked that he would follow her around when she went out at night to protect her.
He left just as she was old enough for boyfriends (15) and is now behaving like some sort of ghastly teenaged boy himself.

To top the night off, he told S14 and D17 that he was going to New York and the UK soon and would like to take them on holiday with him.

This is the man who is having his car repossessed tomorrow after he has failed to pay the lease for the last 2 months and who is around $20,000 in debt for his son's school fees.

I hate it that he gets away with this.

Does anyone have any sage words to soothe my soul?

[wishing, hoping]

Hey NLW -

I wish I could give you sage words, but there are no words. Crazy is as crazy does. These MLC'ers enrage me to no end. Selfish, self-serving creeps is what they are.

I have my own hands full with my own Mr. Wonderful. Seems to me a lot of MLC'ers were acting out lately from the postings on the boards.

I wish we could meet for a drink or five, lol. I am with you sister.

Keep posting.
WH

[NLW]

WH, I posted a reply some days ago, but i think i must have forgotten to hit submit - it disappeared!
Sorry - and I'd love to get together for a drink!

For anyone who doubts that mlc is all about reverting to an unresolved time during adolescence, I wanted to pass on this little titbit i picked up on Facebook.

My XH took a call in front of us when he was here the other night. We could all hear a semi-hysterical female voice on the other end.

It was .... made-up name ( the type that XH used always to comment sarcastically: 'Name - the traditional spelling' e.g.: 'Blaydon - the traditional spelling'.

Anyway, conversation sounded like this was the girlfriend of a guy XH has said is his 'new bf', and that new bf now lives in the guy house that XH claims is his current abode.
It was all "I'm afraid, my bf isn't here and there are strange people at the door... what should i do???"

The guy is 24, and on XH's football team. XH, you'll recall is 43.

Anyway, I checked the girlfriend out on Facebook - because i couldn't resist...
and got an eyeful of her likes:

THIS is my XH's new life, people who like:

TV:
Gossip Girl, Top model, Big Brother, Two and a half men.

Books:
Twilight

Movies:
Ted, The Hangover Part 3

If it wasn't so funny, I'd cry.

XH is a guy who used to read the classics .. had a really high intellect, was on top of all current affairs, would debate anything.... was one of the smartest people I knew.

MLC really is as predictable as they say. This is the only thing that keeps me going - the fact that the process is so scripted. It seems like they 'have to' do these ridiculous things. I know they don't have to come out the other end, but it seems like there's a chance, if things unfold this predictably.

[JuneReN]

Glad to hear the financials worked out

Big believer in the universe always giving you what you ask for...it's just not on your timeline lol!!

Oooohhh...Gossip Girl.....Oooohhhh

[DFE]

Thanks NLW I actually needed a laugh. Gossip Girl.

[wishing, hoping]

Did she have like 1,500 "friends"? That kills me - those "friend collectors".

They are 13 year olds in 45+ year old bodies.

WH

[NLW]

Hey WH,

I checked and she only has, like, 530 friends!

Like OW, however, she has a photo of her and her bf as her profile pic. Both have changed recently from a photo of themselves, alone, to one showing them with the LOTLs.
Of course, OW and, let's call her 'Tarlene', are 'friends' with each other too.

I also have a question to throw out.

Since the kids' great grandfather's funeral - which none of us attended due to XHs carry on - we have not heard from MIL (her father was the deceased).

It's been about a month. She has been caring for the kids' grandfather at home as he recovered from stomach cancer surgery. Kids have not seen him since his operation.

I suspect XH told them a doozy of a story about why we didn't go to the funeral.

Anyway, yesterday she rang asking if she could come get the kids and take them to her place to visit.

She was civil, but there were long pauses that indicated awkwardness.

Should I raise the obvious?

I really only have to say: I suspect XH lied to you about what happened in relation to the funeral. And it was his fault that the kids didn't attend.

This seems so rude and self-serving. And unlikely to be believed.

Is it best to let it go, or to address it head on?

[BrightFuture]

I would address it, just stating the facts, without any emotion and judgment. I would say sorry that it had to be this way. I think it is better if they know your side of the story. It is up to them to believe it or not, but I bet I will make you feel better.

[wishing, hoping]

You could give her your sympathies on the passing of her father and say you are sorry you were unable to attend the services. That is the complete and honest truth. Whether she believes you or not is on her. You have no control over that, but at least you will have cleared the air.

WH

[albamarie]

For anyone who doubts that mlc is all about reverting to an unresolved time during adolescence

MLC really is as predictable as they say. This is the only thing that keeps me going - the fact that the process is so scripted. It seems like they 'have to' do these ridiculous things. I know they don't have to come out the other end, but it seems like there's a chance, if things unfold this predictably.

Hi NLW,

Nicely written, me too, the script is what helps me know I'm not crazy, they really do act like this. I love when other people say, hey man your logic is not so logical, it's not just me then looking at him like he has 3 heads.

I hope your doing well, sad to hear he's still giving the kids a hard time.

Is it time to turn the page on that script yet

dm