Stuck between a rock and a hard place!

[adinva]

If you add anything ask yourself first if it starts with "but" or in any other way invalidates her feelings or pushes your own agenda.

I FINALLY get why you keep using that phrase "give" her the divorce. Apparently it's quicker if you sign and takes a year if you don't sign? I don't know if anyone's been so blunt here but here goes: SIGN IT. For the first time you will be helping her heal. All your resistance, arguing, complaints that she's not giving enough time (when she believes she gave it 10 YEARS), and delays, is INFURIATING to her. It is not endearing you to her. She is not going to miss you at this rate. My opinion: give her what she wants, help her get it, be generous and loving. Ask her if she's sure she wants the apartment she picked out or would she be more comfortable in the home and having you take the apartment.

Bond said there's hope, and there always is...some people remarry long after their divorce. No one knows the future. But one thing is very clear. You fighting her on the divorce is absolutely one hundred percent for sure not going to turn this around. Accept that, and help her get what she wants. For once.

Try that thought on for size and see if you can see why your cause is only helped by quickly stepping up and getting divorced. Not a tactic, just being a completely different person that you have been up until now. That completely different person might warm her heart, might not, but it's the father of her children so if he's a really decent guy, who learns how to be stable and show self control, and is a great dad, she may come to enjoy being around you again, and who knows.

But you're not that different guy yet and so you're asking her to wait six months or a year with basically the same guy that she doesn't want, what would be the point of that? You're "i'm a passionate person" would be a good place to start...is that any excuse for TERRIFYING your wife?

I'm so sorry for where you're at in your sitch, but you're looking to turn around the wrong thing in this sitch, and that's why it's so steadily going away from you. You have to change that. You're looking to turn around the marriage headed to divorce, when you should be turning around your own behavior. And the most defining aspect of your behavior right now seems to be your fear and reluctance to be divorced. Can you give that up?

Weird advice for a divorcebusting forum, and don't take me as but one voice. I had some vets telling me to accept my H's decision too, long ago, and I thought it was maddening and wrong. But it's like fighting quicksand sometimes. You sometimes get more benefit from accepting than from fighting. So I say, find a way to wrap your head around WANTING the divorce...for her.