DB seemingly backfired w/ my H???

[Mimi00]

First of all, the DB didn't backfire. You got yourself healthy and in shape and in a much better mental attitude.

Yes, it worked for me. I guess its the fact that the things I did on purpose, he noticed them all and they all had a negative reaction from him. So that's why I say they backfired on him.

Second, you stopped posting your progress. The more you progress, the more your situation changes. It would have been important to continue posting so that your strategy could have been adjusted. You see what doors have been opened and keep going.

The time I had to DB before he arrived was short, so i was hard to see what worked and what didn't in the 6-7 week period. I felt I was depending on the forum too much so I backed away in the 2 weeks before he arrived. It was already too late, he already made his mind a while ago, so I don't think anything I would have done would've "worked". I thought my GAL'ing was a breakthrough with him, but it's sad he took it the way he did. I feel like he's depressed, or had low self image right now.

Let's face it, you said your H has been much nicer than before. That's all positive DB. Just because your H has not said he wants to come back is not because of DB or you. It's him.

Yes, I know that even though he blames me for a portion of the reason he's leaving, he also tells me not to blame my self, that it's him and not me (I was wondering if he's playing with my head, or just trying to back away nicely by saying it's not me, so I "heal & move one" and he won't feel any guilt?).

I know this for myself as well though, what happened in the relationship should not equate divorce (at least in my opinion). He's looking at a few negatives that could have been fixed, especially now that I have so many tools that I can share with him. There were so many positives in our relationship. And the fact that I gave up a lot of my dreams to help him stay focused his own, which led him to where he is now: living a dream doing things he'd never thought he'd do, making way more money than he should w/ his years experience. The fact he doesn't acknowledge us being together helped steer him to where he is right now, where he claims to be so happy to be, absolutely crazy. I see something isn't right with in him, I just wish I could understand more of what is going on in his head.

Right now he's playing the "oh woe is me" card because he sees you doing so well. What's important is that you not fall into that trap. He's doing that to draw you back in to him. He's still blame shifting and saying that it's YOUR fault he hasn't come back (because you don't need him). To try to continue control over you. It happens here all the time.

Don't do that. You can drop a bone over to him every now and then, but only on YOUR terms. You have the power now.

Can you explain that point further? If he doesn't want me, why would he want to draw me back in?

Had we not gotten to busy and stressed to finish and file the paper work, I was just going to go along with it and sign and file just so he could be free. I am also just so over wanting someone who saying they no longer want me. Now that we didn't file and he's going to come back and file in a few weeks/months, I am not sure what I should do?

While DB'ing I wanted to call and text, but now after seeing how stern he is with his decision and him telling everyone, I have no desire to call and text, I'm not even sad. I'm just here. Wondering where life will take me. Everyone thinks it's strange I'm so calm, even laughing about some of the foolish things that have happened as of late.

H kept telling me "you're handling this so well". I knew I had to be strong b/c I didn't want my presence to = stress, I wanted to = peace. I wasn't perfect, I did get emotional at times and did cry, but I sucked it up with in a few moments. So even though H was standing there telling me he doesn't want to be with me, I replied in love & understanding. (totally different than I would have a few months ago lol)

He's planning that we do the dissolution paperwork through phone/computer with me, then when we have it all settled he'll fly in so we can sign and file them. It will be interesting to see what happens in the next few weeks, if he pushes getting them done or what.

Deep down inside I still have one small seed of hope left: that he'll see the light, and see we could heal together and move forward but I just have no energy access it.

So I'm not sure what I should do at this point? I've started looking at jobs in a new city and my old supervisor happened to email me today, so I asked if there were any open positions. I'm waiting on her response. If so, maybe I will go back to where we moved from. There is no point in me sticking around where I am, we moved here b/c it's slower paced, cheaper cost of living and we planned to start a family
after his traveling job was over. But now, no point in being here, and this is where we got married, so everything reminds me of that day