Crimson.....Are we broken or just bent?

[PatientMan]

Have you ever told your Mom that her criticism isn't constructive to you and you'd rather her stop?

-PM

[MrBond]

Tell your mom that you understand she means well but for now your decision is that she is still your W and it's your decision to treat her as such. And she needs to respect YOUR decision even if she doesn't like it and you will not have anyone disrespecting your W. That this is nothing against her (your mom) but that right now you need the support.

[Crimson]

MrBond.....is it fair to say that that she is still my W even though she is my XW??

[T1000]

In regards to your Mom. If she is baiting you passively aggressively or otherwise state your stance on it and stick to it.

When she's Uh huh. Ignore it. Don't ask her what should be done because she isn't going say anything you want to hear.

By saying: :Well, what else are we going to do??"
You are asking her for her opinion on this issue. You don't want it so don't ask for it.

My Mom was like this a while ago. You need to sort it or stay away from it.

Something like "Mom the next time you put down W I will no longer discuss that part of my life with you."

[LBH_LC]

I thank God I don't have to deal with my friends and relatives running my W down. My sympathies, Patientman. Know that your mother is acting out of love for you. That Mama Bear instinct can be a killer.

[LBH_LC]

Er, that should addressed to Crimson, not Patientman.

[T1000]

Don't use the word wife, just say "she is an important person in my life"

[Crimson]

Thanks all.....so am I smoking crack on the whole MLC thing?? In all fairness, I can't tell if its a possibility or if the common elements are such that I just WANT it to be a possibility just to have clarity. I don't think it is the latter - but you never know. Those six stages just seemed so "familiar".....well, the first 3 or 4 anyway.

With regard to my mother, she is one of those people who honestly feels like she can say nearly anything to anyone so long as SHE thinks it's true. With her kids, she feel as if she can say ABSOLUTELY anything she wants without regard to our sensitivities or feelings. I get the "I'm your mother, so I have to tell you...." routine.

As you may recall, not long after BD (days) she call xws dad and stepmom to see "if they knew of anything that had been going on between us". I. The process, she really said some things about XW to her dad and stepmom that were not taken well about their daughter. She really, really offended them AND hurt XW when she learned about the phone call. To this day my mother refuses to admit that anything she said was offensive and claims "I don't know what they're mad about, I didn't do anything to them!" She completely does not see now that one phone call meddled into my M and had a deep impact on my XW and her family. It's unreal - and there are moments when I think she is losing it. Since BD, she has been of very little help on terms of my family.

Crimson

[PatientMan]

Er, that should addressed to Crimson, not Patientman.

I'll take what I can get!

[25yearsmlc]

MrBond.....is it fair to say that that she is still my W even though she is my XW??

She is & will always be, the mother of your son. Your mother assumes you are inviting comments and you can be clearer with her;you are Not inviting any feedback from your mother about your son's mother.

I would insist on NO more of that. It's painful now and damaged your m in the past. That is Not your mom's job. Not since you became a man...she's just wrong on many levels. Speak up for yourself and yes, for the mother of your son too.

It would deeply bother me if I were your xw. I'm sure it harmed the M.

Next-- what are your GAL? Let's hear about those...!!!

Finally, the MLC issue is to ME, a total waste of time after the first month of being sep..

No evidence that they are more likely to come home. Seriously, I found none.
But people LOVE "researching" this even while claiming to know their course of action is the same, regardless. They want their old lives back. They believe the MLC label gets them closer. But I think not so much.

MLCers change a lot, and usually they stay changed a lot, EVEN IF they come home. Even if some of their "old selves" came back,

I see LBSers talk about MLCs and "replay" and "touch & go" and i see people "standing" for their m's here for 6 years with No effort from their WAS/MLCers...
They are Not standing for their m's imo.
They are just standing Still...

My h is not who he was before. If I'd known then what I know now, I'd have moved on much much faster...

Not as a tactic, but for ME... Happier sooner, better for the kids, etc.

I'd also have made some other conditions
before moving back in together.

And I wish we had done Retrovaille sooner.

If i were you, I would Not think about a recon without some conditions for HER to meet.

I don't expect that anytime soon, if ever. The MLC terms only seem to delay LBS from moving on sooner, OR they do No inward looking & blame their "wacky MLCers"
For all the problems (not applicable to you, I know).

Last but not least, i promise you, truly,
i would NOT worry about her dating OMs..

Why?

Because imo, it'll only be when she gets accurate assessments of OMs and sees what is really out there, that she awakens to the loss of you.

You really are a very good catch. I don't see her ever doing better.
She cannot "know" that now, but dating will quicken the lesson, in my opinion.

I would not be shocked to hear of her dating a few months,
only to come running to you...

And FYI, no i don't think it's totally mutual. I know there are women out there who'd highly value your companionship and intelligence, etc.

Crimson, I know you Don't need to hear anything bad
about her.
I meant no offense, but I wanted you to note that
YOUR experience dating, will not be like hers...imo.

So don't let those fears start.

Tell us about the GAL please.

Oh btw,
excellent sounding trip you have planned with your son.

Good luck!