Not sure how much longer I can quietly, peacefully endure the hostility my mother holds towards XW. I didn't even bring her up and here is a rough transcription of out phone chat today.
Mom: What your schedule with S like?
Me: Same as always.
Mom: So did you have to bring him to her yesterday on your way to work?
Me: Yes.
Mom: Isn't that out of your way?
Me: A little, but not by much - it's not a big deal.
Mom: uh huh
Me: Well, what else are we going to do??
Mom: She could get up off her lazy a$$ and come get him in the morning!
Me: She's not lazy. It's not at all about her being lazy.
Mom: I'm about tired of you defending her, she IS lazy!
Me: Well, we see it differently.
Mom: Well you're the only one that sees it that way so you had better start looking at yourself.
Me: believe me, I have done plenty of that. Let me know if you need anything - bye.
Despite everything, I still get irritated when my mom maligns her....she is the only one that does. She hasn't even SEEN her since before BD let alone interacted with her enough to be able to make value judgements. And lord knows I'm not feeding her information. It really makes me want to distance myself from her. I get less that zero support from her in trying to maintain my family in one configuration or another.
So I have been very reluctant to mention this lately for a myriad of reasons, so I will disclaim it first. I know that there is NOTHING AT ALL that I can do about it. I know that it does NOT absolve me of the things that I did that contributed to the implosion of my M....I don't duck and run from those things anymore. I know that it does not make any case WHATSOEVER that XW will return. I know that it does not change my course ofmaction. And finally, I know I could be off base.
That said, I have been digging around on the boards more than usual over the last few days and have spent some time looking at MLC (both here and elsewhere). Keeping in mind all that I have disclaimed above, I'm. I'm not convinced that there isn't an element of that going on in my situation. I read (a few times) the six stages of MLC that appeared on this board long ago and there are some things there that ring out as clear as a bell with my sitch over the last two years. In terms of behaviors, things that have been said, things that have been done, timing, etc - some of it really hits home.
Again - nothing I can DO about it and frankly the prescription for MLC is the same as DB.....let them go lovingly, focus on you, don't take things too personally, acknowledge their journey and move forward. And if it IS MLC, maybe they'll get trough it and maybe they won't.
I guess for me it was just interesting to get and understand that perspective. I think I am in a better place to receive and understand that information than I was some time ago. Needed to work on me first. Still do.
