"I Love you but love her too"....WHAT?

[Notlikingthis]

Linda, I definitely don't want him to find me here. He'd recognize the story for certain. The other problem is that he doesn't know half of what is going on between them. Yes, he knows about their "affair" and has even told my h to butt out and leave his w alone but he doesn't know about my h's mlc or for that matter the possibility of his w's mlc. He needs that to be pointed to him but I'll let him figure it out on his own.

I am only calm because I look at her as just another symptom. Of course it's a living, breathing, conniving, gold digging symptom but I try to forget that part. There are times when it gets to me so I come here and laugh at the antics of others' h's and w's and know that he is just another h doing and saying the same things as hundreds and hundreds of other mlcers.

As for my birthday, it's just fine. I'd rather remember his kind and loving words from past birthday's than get a generic card or gift that wasn't given with love but rather as an obligation. I'm sorry that your h treated you so crappy. That was pretty telling of his state of mind, wasn't it? They can't help themselves sometimes. In a way I resent that we have to tolerate such behaviors but....the reason that most of us are here is to help ourselves feel better about ourselves and to understand what might be going on during the process. It beats serving jail time for smacking them with a 2X4. I hate mlc but I like the ow even less for not having the decency or respect for herself to tell him to get lost right from the start. Her h told me that this is the first married man that she's had an affair with. Most of the others have been much younger than her and didn't have the means to support her extravagant lifestyle so she dumped them. I wonder sometimes whether he would have taken up with an ow if we hadn't met her and her h at the precise time that we did. He had just lost his job and was already in his MLC. She has a, live for today, tomorrow may never come, philosophy and that attitude mirrored my h's mlc attitude so he was attracted to her for that reason, imo. She also has a spend it all, attitude that my h has never had. That could get scary if she does actually stay here in the long term.

Snodderly,

I knew that would be the answer somehow! LOL! Giving him too much information isn't a good thing. You're right, let him research and find the books and help on his own. I just pray that he doesn't run into this site while he's surfing the web on Affairs. Yesterday's text and phone count: 2 calls, 4 texts! Answered 1 call and replied to 1 text. The call that I answered, he said that he wasn't calling for any particular reason and that he didn't want me to think that he only calls when he needs or wants something from me. One of the texts WAS because he wanted something. LOL

I planned on being gone from the house when he came by to get his truck in the afternoon but he arrived 2 hours earlier than he usually does. I was busy outside washing windows and he actually scared me when he walked up. He asked me if he had any mail and he followed me into the house when I went to get it. I asked him if he wanted something cold to drink and he asked if I had some wine. Told him that I didn't have a chilled bottle so he pointed to the wine cooler and asked me to "get one out of there". I knew something was up. A few weeks ago when he came by he took several bottles of the more expensive wines from the wine cellar. After he left, I went to the cellar and brought up as many of the expensive bottles as I could and locked them into the cooler. At some point between that day and yesterday he must have tried to get into the cooler. We have never locked that cooler so I think it was his way of telling me that he knew that I had locked him out. He even asked me why it was locked. Thank God he doesn't have a key to the house otherwise I'd be dealing with a petty thief like you did!

We had a glass of wine and he talked about work, the new house and how he's replaced a few of the boards on the deck etc. Never mentioned the ow. He did ask how I was doing being alone in the house. I told him I was doing well and that I am just a little more aware of the sounds at night (which is very true)but that it was probably just the deer or raccoons coming close to the house. He told me that if I was ever afraid to call and he'd come right over. He also said that he "wasn't putting me second" and repeated that "if I needed ANYTHING or just wanted to come over and hang out that I was welcome anytime." What is he thinking? He's NOT! I have to assume that the ow is still there. The look on my face must have been one of confusion. Hope he didn't notice. He stayed for over an hour. When he got up to leave he kissed me and gave me a hug and off he went!

After he left, I poured myself another half glass of wine went out to my little garden where the birds hang out. I wasn't sure if I should laugh or cry. I did a little of both. I replayed the conversation to see if he gave me any clues as to where he might be mentally. Around 3 months ago he seemed irritated and impatient with me at times and since moving that has disappeared. While he's never directed his anger at me, he has seemed angry about things in general. He's still a little restless but not as much as when he was still living here. It's been nearly a month since he moved and I do see a change of sorts. When I talked to him earlier in the day yesterday he seemed to lack energy and there was definitely no enthusiasm in his voice, which is NOT how he was before mlc. LOL He said that he sent a proposal to the Non-Profit that he'd interviewed with and hoped that he hear back from them soon. The job he has now seems to be going okay but I can tell that he's not happy there. I can tell he's doing a lot of thinking. Just wish that gold digging ow wasn't around to distract him. He's a brilliant man. He'll figure this out. Sooner than later works best for me!!!!!

He'll be here soon, gotta get outta here NOW.