whatever the heck i was saying - let me say ME TOO about the fall from grace, being last on the list of desired companions after sooo long as first. I HATE BEING REJECTED TOO. IT'S SO f'ing shabby ... we all deserve soooo much MORE - LIKE everything
so rejection is a killer - me too. i absolutely hate it- and i hate "what was mine" being slathered around to that stupid cow and whoever else.
i can't imagine him saying to her what he has to me - probably does all the time-
GOD i could throw up thinking about it- so i am not. one thing i've thought tho- which may or may not be true.
my h has ALWAYS had a very hard time with spoken expressions of caring & love. i've wondered if he can slather it around so much in e-mails because it means nothing there ( two ow concurrently - love ? really) - perhaps it's "junk" that gets him what he wants. alot of returned adoration or something like that.
it is, of course, exactly what someone in my shoes WOULD say to self about this ow junk & professions of love. you have to wonder tho-
i'm sick of thinking about him and talking about him from girlfriend chat other day. why in the wo4rld do i answer questions and explain and feel compelled to? idk- she would not pursue it if i said "i really don't even want to discuss this now". i need to stay off it to "the world" out there.
it's going to be the same old thing of anyone i ever talked to about it is obliged to hate him now - FOREVER AND EVER AMEN.
OH WELL- it is inconvenient- but needed those "group therapy " sessions - they'll ahve to just swallow it somehow and make do in life.
which ever way it goes - i still do not like someone else badmouthing him to me - sad girl , sad sad girl
hey - can i be "sap of the month" for July???? do i get a prize?
NEVER FOUND TEETH, BIRD escaped (thank goodness) new teeth appt tomorrow- will shoot day doing this crap - then enxt probably too.
h comes here tuesday- just in time to queer the deal of longer at shore with VA neice & baby coming up & fam.... he sure turns up inconveniently - always manages to get between me and whatever plans i make. ( he doesn't know- has a 6th sense that jacks up my plans i think)
took neice out to wendys (her fav.) had a nice little visit- she even offered to go visit mom w/ me and chat with her so i could look without constant heckling- whatta gal. other than h when he's here- not a person in world offers that
so that was v nice. h in fl just texted he took his aunt (no family at all for her) to hospital with pneumonia. 89 yrs old- smoked for last 60+ yrs!! don't know how that will turn out. poor old thing.
so lots of action as usual here. I HAVE A BIG POSITIVE ONE LITTLE THING THO TO SHARE - chatted today with visiting cargiver gal (from service my tighta$$ sister found - $26/hr but mom doesn't need nurse/specialty care- just companion- lt housekeeping, etc.) anyway- nice little gal, student, i was telling her about going to fla and possibly needing someone for more visits - she volunteered that she wouldn't mind working "on the side" rather than thru agency for $12 an hr. she's just contract labor- they farm it out and pay her that- so woo hoo. i'll take big look at her own vac.plans & mom's needs and maybe it will defray some of the worry & need for someone.
it's small- but positive and making me glad at moment.
xxo going to FL - idk how to put it- but i do not think it's in my best interests to jump in and too willingly martyr myself for my mom. i don't even think she'd like to think i did- on a clear day- and i'd just really realy resent her- rather than now, where i just really resent her.
so somehow get the teeth (thur - fri) go to shore sat-mon? get h tue? something like that. and what - clean & organinze entire house & universe in next hour. sounds like a plan...
where is that wine bottle again...
nice christian aren't I - huh? oh well, just doin my best. xxoo
