I meet once a week with my sponsor and talk to him 2 x a week during the week. I can't blow through 12 steps in a month. Unfortunately we missed this week. (his bad) It takes time to get through this stuff. I guess I would be on step 2 our next meet up. We have just started reading. From what I also learned is the major part of recovery is paying it forward to others. So if you're not doing that you will fall back to where you were.

I'm not hopeful again at all actually. I am having no expectations. As matter of fact the last 2 days she has been friendly she still texting OM so what does that tell me.

I was simply trying to gain knowledge about MLC and what to expect etc.. She certainly has some traits. Mood swings,age, tattoos, txting OM..

I'm making progress. I stood up to her down the vaca house. Nothing I can really do when she locks herself in the bedroom like a 14 year old brat. So I told her she could go home and I took kids to the beach. She ended up joining us 2 hours later.

That is also my guess. Within 48 hours she will spew again.

No I don't want a D today in this moment. sorry. I sure do think about it alot. But WTF is wrong with doing MLC research if she is going through one? tell me that. Why are all the resources here on this board to learn and understand it. Why can't I do my work and understand it.

It was nice to have an adult conversation with my W last night. It has been 2 1/2 months since we have had this.

TBH I'm still trying to figure out this OM thing. I can't tell if there is something there or not. I know he is EXTREMELY annoying in his txting. Not just to my W. He is a long time friend who is divorced. I know he has been in affairs while he was M. I would think my W could see through his crap. I really try not to think about it. It does bother me yes. I don't like it one bit, but as you said in the past we have bigger fish to fry then this.

My W also reached out to me again this morning about family issue and asked me my opinion and has been doing futuristic things as of late. Call it mind reading or call it observations.

But believe me I have lowered my expectations til NULL ZERO.

Do I think it is right that my W treats me well 2 days out of 2 1/2 months no. But I also have to understand she is broke and sick too. I'm trying to get all the tools to cope and not let myself spin out again.

I think about asking her for her L's name the next time she spews often. So yes I'm getting tired of it. But I also am trying to learn how to stick up with myself without being angry or assertive. The closest I came to this was down the vaca house when she was being a baby about me leaving her out. I made the best of the weekend and the kids had a blast on the boat and my W actually did make it on (she really isn't a boat person, she had wrist bands on and was white as ghost, I actually felt bad after)

Listen giving up control and putting this entirely in gods hands is difficult for me. Trying to stop figuring her out and let God take care of it is very difficult. I'm taking the right steps with this IMHO.