Emotional Connection and Attraction

[Accuray]

Please do give me a summary if you don't mind, that would be very helpful, because reading through all the history, things that might have been an issue 3 months ago may no longer be an issue today. I've been piecing for two years, so am probably just a bit ahead of you on the timeline. As a fair warning, in many ways I've swung over to a WAS mindset rather than LBS -- you should know that.

BUT...one of the things we're supposed to be working on is NOT sweeping things under the rug. Is that not what I'm doing by not talking to her about it?

I'm sure you've observed it's not that cut and dry -- there are things you can actively work on and things you can't. For instance, if your wife is messy and that bothers you, you can work together on reducing clutter. That's something you can actively work on and you shouldn't sweep under the rug.

If your wife does not *FEEL* attracted to you, that may not be something you can work on, as she can't will herself to feel differently, and may not know, or be able to describe to you, what you need to do to work on that. There are things like this that actively working on them sets you back, and you're better off either (a) having faith that things will get better through time if you "do the right things" in general to be a spouse only a fool would leave, (b) having faith that it may never get better but it's something you can learn to live with, or (c) it's a showstopper and you've got to make an ultimatum and follow that by leaving if things don't resolve to your satisfaction.

The final category is things you *could* work on together, but your spouse refuses to do so. That, in my opinion, is the most painful and frustrating category, and the one that ultimately will turn *you* into the WAS if given enough time.

Acc