Just got the bomb this morning (2nd time counting the one 5 yrs ago). I'm going to take people's advice and stick to this forum/post and see if we can get some good dialog going. I really need help!
About the OM: I got the same "this isn't a passing fancy," "we really have a connection," and "we talk for hours," etc. as when this happened before, but the first guy is now referred to as "a total jerk". She's wise to my change in attitude because she says I'll just "rationalize it (the relationship with OM). Who she has maintained is non-physical - just talking for hours. And "I can't explain it."
You might think I should just give up because this is the second time she's done this, but I totally understand why she needed to reach out to someone else. I was impossible to live with - I can blame jobs stress, health issues, etc. but it was no excuse for the way I acted.
She also can't seem to use the D word. She says "we should talk about separating our finances," and she doesn't want to string me along with false hopes. But, she said last week she'd like to get together for movies and dinners, but that's it for right now.
Here's my question: how do I respond? Is it not a good LRT to state I would like to not rush into a D? She was willing to wait 8 wks before for my stress reduction/pain management sessions to be done. I have not responded at all so far. How can I do this without saying anything negative about OM and that relationship. I'm tempted to not mention it in any way, and just keep any talk focused on our relationship.
First of all, I have to ask. You were argumentative to some of us who posted to you and even argued with me about having multiple posts. Are you going to be the same?
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
I see you've had the same problem with others on here as well and I don't have time to go down that road, but if you seriously want to help, I would consider your advice.
I really liked the DB coach Joann, but she's not available again until 7/15, so I got an appt to talk to Laurie today at 3. I only signed up for 3 sessions due to the cost, but just need to talk to someone about it directly, too, you know? I'm really in crisis mode. :-(
I was looking for advice on how to respond to the email. After talking to DB coach, I'm really going dark right now. Even staying away from FB, because all I can do is look and see how she took her "married to..." status off and stuff.
Right this very second, all I can say is I'm trying to learn better ways to respond to very large problems besides being angry, depressed, etc. This will be an ongoing effort on my part. I can only show her any changes if there is future contact. Time is my friend here, and I'm just trying to avoid rushing into D and also hoping that the EA implodes or doesn't go to PA at least.
Sorry to hear you are back here again dmr1965. I have been chatting to Laurie for many sessions and as you have probably already found out, she knows her stuff and is very helpful. I understand and agree about the not giving up. I think the track you talked about taking is a good start. It sounds like for yourself, you will need to focus on the angry and depressed person. Hopefully this time will be good for you.
ME:51 W:46 M:25 S:22, S:20 Divorced 16/9/15 BD 10/12 W left 12/12 with OW, affair confirmed Nov/12. Dark since 6/13 I"m in a new relationship since Feb 14.
Thanks for the encouragement. I've decided to treat it like alcoholism or something. Instead of something to be beaten and then move on, I figure on continuing to work on it, with help, for the rest of my miserable life. Kidding about the miserable part. ;-)
