Linda Hi, is it that bad to hate someone...I think it is one of many emotions I have and will go through w H. What comes after hate, well to me, expectance that he is what he his now and it's on me to change my sitch. I always see in myself if I hate someone, they are still in my heart. He's lucky...I don't hate my mom, I don't L her either
Contempt, hate? This is killing you.
Yes, it is hurting me daily to walk around with this in my mind when he's here, it's not healthy but it is my truth I have to let out for now and not bottle inside me.
It's really not as bad as it sounds because that is for this not-H of mine. The guy on the surface that I will not allow to hurt me again. So see it's superficial. H is weird, if he thought I hated him he would call it an honor to have me hate him. He's not sensitive like that!
a little vacation break from him.
I'm working on this one, but I don't have friends, not like that. Yes, I have one D19, she's the youngest and we're freakishly close. I am considering a drive to Michigan, maybe hit the outlet stores.
Do you think he's aware of your feelings towards him?
No. In earlier posts I call myself a fraud, expressing how I validate, listen, and react if he asks for help. I was getting sick of that for myself, I stopped and now I do listen until I have to WAW, but I do it as a boundary saying, ok, this I will not listen to.
He thinks I still want him to walk in those doors, no effort on his part to make amends. He thinks my L holds him here, I think he tells himself that so he "stays for me" as he's said, when really he doesn't want to leave.
I am still considering a coach, my concern is that the first session is used up trying to explain from the beginning. How did you explain your sitch, your concerns w/o it taking up all the first min?
I read a book yesterday on dep...I am getting some good insight on just how bad he has it. Maybe it's the dep I hate w H's face attached! In the end I am supposed to make sure I take care of myself no matter how H reacts.
That quote above was very old, I like to read the archives so I can follow the life of MLC. I am also reading alot about D and almost D's that bounced back, it helps me understand all of my options and the fallout of them all.
I have been reading more Christian lit. as it's how H and I first connected, it's nice to read that even a M so deep rooted in misery (as mine) can be brought back, I know it's in His hands if I just trust the process, also like DBing
