New and need encouragement

[Not Quitting]

I wish I'd found this site months ago. Every time I start to feel down or alone in this sitch, I come onto the site and start reading. It really helps seeing what others are doing and knowing that there are definitely others in the same, or similar sitches. All my friends are either happily single or happily married; none are going through any kind of marital problems (or least not as far as they know) and most of them have only one piece of advice, always the same - kick him to the curb and go back to being single. And to me, that is advice I can do without. There are always other options.

I've always hated rollercoasters, and this particular one is something I never thought I'd find myself on. If anyone had asked me a year or so ago what I'd do if I ever found out that hubby was cheating on me, I'd have sworn blind that it would be over. You never know how you'll react until you're in the situation.

I've come to understand over the last few months that H is confused and insecure (not something he's going to be used to as it's the complete opposite of what he used to be like). I know I played a part in our lack of communication, which is what he says initially drove him to talk to friends outside the marriage instead of to me about what he saw as the main problem - he's said it was that we stopped talking and had become complacent. And if he hadn't talked to certain friends, they would never have introduced him to OW. If they can live with the knowledge that they have contributed to a possible marriage breakdown (not to mention that OW knew from the start that H was married and until recently was still living with me), then none of them have the much of a conscience.

Having nearly finished reading DB and with DR sitting on my bedside table to start as soon as DB is finished, I've learned a lot about myself and I know I still have a long way to go.

I'm not the same woman H married - the ups and downs of life since we married have taken their toll on me emotionally and mentally, not to mention just the aging process - and he's not the same man I married - even more so lately. But this site and MWD's books are providing a lot of helpful info that I fully intend to use to the best of my ability. I still love my H, he was at one time my best friend, and whatever happens I hope that we can still be friends - even if just for the sake of our son.

I have learned that an affair is not a deal breaker for me. I hoping still that my M can be saved, but if not then hopefully DB and DR will make me a better person, more like the woman H fell in love initially. I know some of his friends have told him he'd be a fool to walk away from someone who is still willing to stand beside him despite all he's done to the family.