I really wish we could edit on here. Some personal things on there I didn't want to post.
The email was titled: Divorce
M36 W31 S4 S2 T5 M4 BD Jan12 S July12 Recon Sep12-Nov12 ILBINILWY Jan13 OM x 2 in 2013 W wants R July 13 I start D. Jan 14. Meet GF Nov 13 Have I changed enough? Jul 14
Do I reply to the email? I want to just to set some things straight.
I'm guessing I need to contact a solicitor now?
From what I understand it costs the petitioner somewhere between £500 and £1200 and the respondent about £350-£400. No idea how she is going to fund this.
In regards to the kids her having them every two-three weeks could work for me. No mention of any of the driving by her. She says she had no support looking after the kids. My mother had them a full day a week. S3 had nursery 2-3 times a week. I worked and we shared looking after them when I was at home.
Saying that what I am paying is no where near enough really boils my blood. She nows wants a percentage of the house (wait for it..!!!) before (my) debts are paid off!! Funny how the house is partly hers but the debt isn't!
She gave up a job in her previous profession when she moved in with me because she didn't like it. I carried us both financially while she trained in her 2nd profession.
She seems to have already back tracked on going through the proper channels for money as she is asking for what is fair. Maybe she looked into what she was going to get via CSA and she didn't think it was enough. I'm tempted to just put it through the CSA myself otherwise she could be pulling this stuff for the rest of our lives.
I am absolutely itching to respond but I will wait until further advice.
M36 W31 S4 S2 T5 M4 BD Jan12 S July12 Recon Sep12-Nov12 ILBINILWY Jan13 OM x 2 in 2013 W wants R July 13 I start D. Jan 14. Meet GF Nov 13 Have I changed enough? Jul 14
Why respond? Do you think you will change her mind?
This is what lawyers are for.
Remember this is her starting point, then you negotiate.
keep you kids at the top of the needs list as you go through this.
Having a MIL who babysits one day a week is not like having an H who is fully involved in the childrearing. Were you fully involved with the doctor visits, daycare arrangements, diapers, feedings, laundry, disciplining, etc while you were together? If not she probably thinks you left the marriage long before she did.
Take what you can from her message and continue to work on you. If you contact her now it's because you want to make a point and prove she's wrong and you're right when it really doesn't matter.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
Why respond? Do you think you will change her mind?
This is what lawyers are for.
Remember this is her starting point, then you negotiate.
keep you kids at the top of the needs list as you go through this.
Having a MIL who babysits one day a week is not like having an H who is fully involved in the childrearing. Were you fully involved with the doctor visits, daycare arrangements, diapers, feedings, laundry, disciplining, etc while you were together? If not she probably thinks you left the marriage long before she did.
Take what you can from her message and continue to work on you. If you contact her now it's because you want to make a point and prove she's wrong and you're right when it really doesn't matter.
I feel like I did more than she did when I wasn't at work. Just like now.
As long as I could get out of work I went to doctors visits, even took them myself on some occasions. Picked S3 up from nursery. Did 90% of diapers when at home. 90% of all night feeds and get ups after a few weeks. W did washing during the day while I was at work. I wasn't as good as W at the disciplining but I did do it. If we went to any family event I would do the majority of the child care.
Imo I was very involved.
M36 W31 S4 S2 T5 M4 BD Jan12 S July12 Recon Sep12-Nov12 ILBINILWY Jan13 OM x 2 in 2013 W wants R July 13 I start D. Jan 14. Meet GF Nov 13 Have I changed enough? Jul 14
I made an appointment with my solicitor. She is on holiday until late July. If W asks me about the email I will just say I will pass it on to my solicitor.
Apparently I can disagree with her divorce petition, whatever that means.
M36 W31 S4 S2 T5 M4 BD Jan12 S July12 Recon Sep12-Nov12 ILBINILWY Jan13 OM x 2 in 2013 W wants R July 13 I start D. Jan 14. Meet GF Nov 13 Have I changed enough? Jul 14
Do I reply to the email? I want to just to set some things straight.
Sorry you're going through this, I'm sure this has got to be really difficult! Just step back and take a deep breath! I would be inclined to send a brief response just as acknowledgement that you received it, otherwise she'll get angry at your silence. Just something like "I received your message, I'm not in complete agreement but I'm sure we can work things out through our solicitors." This is just the first volley. Just because she asks for the moon doesn't mean she'll get it. No one is ever made whole through divorce, that's just the nature of it.
Quote:
I'm guessing I need to contact a solicitor now?
Yeah, it sounds like it. You want to negotiate with the assistance of a professional, someone that's not emotionally invested.
I would prefer to acknowledge it. Should I add something about not wanting a divorce? Nothing overly strong, something like:
"I got your email, Just to clarify, I do not want a divorce. I'm also not in complete agreement with what you say but if you want to go that route I'm sure we can work things out through our solicitors."
Or something to that effect.
Saying "I'm sure we can work things out etc. sounds like I'm giving up, doesn't it?
M36 W31 S4 S2 T5 M4 BD Jan12 S July12 Recon Sep12-Nov12 ILBINILWY Jan13 OM x 2 in 2013 W wants R July 13 I start D. Jan 14. Meet GF Nov 13 Have I changed enough? Jul 14
If I sent something as important as that I would expect a response. I want her to know that even though I'm not actively talking to her and that I'm done being controlled by her doesn't mean I'm done with us.
In a way this could be her testing me. She has thrown the D thing at me 3 times now. This one is more thought out or expressed than ever before.
She tries to put it across that she is giving me prior warning. Is that to be nice or to twist the knife? Is she twisting the knife because she can or to get a reaction from me.
I've read the email a few times now and something stands out. She mentions where my job is and I will not move there and she will I move back. That hasn't been the case since November, I have said I would move there. Why would she say this? Just to add to her reasons for the divorce?
I read her list of the breakdown of the marriage and it is WAS rewriting history. It's not completely made up but it's a bit like a statement "we were never happy" just a round up of a feeling right now that suits the cause.
I also look at everything and think well I wouldn't be like that now. I have worked on myself and I am a better person than I was 12 months ago. She hasn't really tried. She's pi55ed off that I stood up to her and this is the only way she can get me out of her life or punish me.
It is very common for her to cut off people that don't toe her line. Even if she divorces me we are still going to have just as much interaction as we do now.
I know I'm mind-reading a lot but I need to express whats going on in my head right now. No matter how ready you are your never ready enough.
M36 W31 S4 S2 T5 M4 BD Jan12 S July12 Recon Sep12-Nov12 ILBINILWY Jan13 OM x 2 in 2013 W wants R July 13 I start D. Jan 14. Meet GF Nov 13 Have I changed enough? Jul 14
