own a buz - pt 12 ... taking him off the pedestal

[makingmagic]

Tx All... I do see how this could be considered his love for me. But, he would do this for anyone he was with during the day. As Bond says, I would be disappointed if he didn't do this for me. It took quite a long time for him to offer coffee's etc. to me after BD. So, I am greatful. But, just afraid of coming off as desperate for ANY offering. So, was trying to be more casual about it.

I have come to realize that I am not as detached as I need to be. Yesterday, I excused myself from work to go to the early show at the movies with my daughter. I did not give any explanation to h. I just went. But boy, did I feel guilty and anxious. Paranoid that he was going to call during the movie and question where I was and why I was not working. I did not even enjoy the movie because of this. In his mind, he is ALWAYS working and therefore so should I. I was even reprimanded and was told it was considered "luxury time" to be at the grocery store during our R.

Having a sad day today... I really miss being loved and loving him back. I miss so much. I miss my home, my stuff, my cat, the life I thought I had. The man I thought he was. I pray so much and have placed it into His hands... but, it still hurts at times.