This would have been so much easier if xh and I had tried to work on our M, if he would have been kind, if he would have made sure the boys and I were settled and had what we needed before jumping into another R. I've had no closure. I can only guess what's happened to him and us based on information that I've gathered. I don't even know if I'm right. None of this changes anything. It just makes what I need to do harder and more painful.
I really wish I knew that I had meant something to him. That he had really loved and that all our years together weren't a waste. It's so painful to be cast aside and replaced and wonder if I ever mattered.
Yes, I totally agree, and could have written exactly what you have said. I am not dismissing or trivializing your feelings.
The problem is we have no choice, and no voice in what our ex husbands chose to do. So what we can do is have some strategies for getting through the next few days, then weeks and then months, so we look back and see that it hasn't been a wasteland of sorrow and despair, but that we have learnt from our suffering, and accomplished some useful and valuable things with our lives, that maybe we would not have done married.
Years down teh line it isn't so great for my ex h and he doesn't appear to blame me so much. But he is still a mess, and does not see the need to sort himself out in order to have any kind of meaningful relationship with his kids. Which he now wants very much indeed.
Gm, im sorry the situation didn't work out. I think you can use all his negative energy for your gain for the time being.......
SCREW HIM....
He'll continue to play out his little fantasy, and someday its gonna knock him upside his head with the ugly stick. My mom was divorced 3x, all 3 times, they came back begging within a year or so, but my mom moved on. Her first husband even tried after she divorced my day 14 years later. They think its a gain, but that's cause they haven't seen what they've lost yet. Time is the only cure. Just wait, he didn't fix anything, so he's dragging it over with him. Its not your problem now.
I think its time for you do dust off the dancing shoes, and go have some fun. Splurge on a new outfit. Get some of the girls from work out for a night of fun. You are no longer bound by rules that only you were following.
You did nothing wrong. Your ex left you and your children without even trying and then the worse part about it is he blames you for everything. This is not the kind of man/father you deserve. You deserve better!
Be proud and move on the best you can.
I think Elin Norgard is handling her sitch well. First of all she looks hotter then ever. 2nd she has everything in the divorce settlement as far as how much time kids can spend with new partners.
There are men out there that are men and not lead around by their penis all day.
Take control.
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
You all are so right. I absolutely deserve better. At the moment I feel like I am getting screwed over in this D. My xh has already had a victory. We're D'd. Now he can buy the new house he wanted while my living situation is still precarious. That's just wrong. It's slimy. I deserve better than that.
Less than 24 hours after the D was final I received an email regarding support. X and his attorney are trying to stipulate to a lower number. They are riding high off their win and now want to see how else they can get over on me.
I am so livid with my old attorney for not getting this settled when there were good opportunities. She really screwed this up. And to add salt to the wound, her representation cost over 10k. I got nothing!
Wanted to add that I'm seeing my doctor on Friday. I haven't been since BD. I have been wondering how much hormones and/or depression is skewing my perspective and feelings. I have done everything I can without meds, but it may be time for intervention. I don't want to stay in this hole forever. I want to enjoy the things I used to do. I want to be vibrant again, not the shell of a person I currently am. My kids need this from me and they deserve it.
OK, so no more sorrow. Thank you for the reminders that I deserve better. Please keep that coming. That's what I really need now. And, 2x4's when I start pining for the jerk that doesn't want me.
Chin up. Your X didn't "win" anything. If he considers getting a divorce in this day and age "winning" then he is deeply disturbed.
Aren't there formulas to calculate support? If he doesn't take the kids then you get higher support, right? He can only low-ball you so much. Does he need to pay maintenance too?
My H is trying to get out of child support as much as he can. He's angry that I am going after maintenance, so he's trying to be a jerk in other things.
These guys can go hang themselves. I am so tired of dealing with passive aggressive jerks.
Get what is fair according to the law and get the heck away from him.
WH
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
Yes, there is a formula, but he's trying to find ways to reduce the number. It's just beyond irritating. And then he wonders why I don't want to communicate with him.
I badly want to have his wages garnished. I'm sure he didn't disclose that he has to pay support when he bought his new car or applied for a home loan. I can't do it yet though. I need to remain calm and do everything I can to facilitate a good settlement. I can lash out later if I still feel the need.
I'm so glad that I can come here and vent. Doesn't this just stink, WH? We'll get through this together.
That's part of my issue with H refinancing. I am sure he did not disclose actual numbers to the lender when he asked about refinancing, since the papers he gave us are over 6 months old and I wonder if he disclosed all his debt?
H expects me to agree to the child support numbers he gave to the lender so he can refinance. He is totally out of his mind. He can't dictate what he will pay to me just so he can live comfortably with his OW. I don't care if he is in debt to his eyeballs. That is not my problem.
This does stink. There's a special place in He!! for people like them. WH
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
Sometimes when I am feeling low I need to throw some of the DB stuff out the window.
You are not the one that did anything wrong. HE IS.
He has left his family without even trying and the worst part about the whole thing is that he blames you for everything. I am sorry but that is not the kind of man/father I want to be married to. You deserve better then this guy.
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
WH/GM - My kindred sisters. Isn't it sad we are all in this boat.
You two are sooo much support for me. Just wanted to know that your post of your feelings and dealings with your MLC'ers is what I am dealing with or preparing for.
Quote:
He is totally out of his mind. He can't dictate what he will pay to me just so he can live comfortably with his OW.
This is where I am too!!!
My H thinks because his financial needs are not being met that he can stop ALL financial obligations to me, our household and for the children. I waited a month for him to provide the agreed upon moneys he was supposed to give me. After that I went and filed for it. I think my H will be surprised to see what he will have to provide to me. Me on the other hand, will take whatever I am awarded I have no demands or entitlement theories. The award is what it is, and I will not fight for any more or less than what is awarded. So, I say to h3ll with what H thinks...just let the judge decide.
GM-I too tried to do this without "medicinal help". After me not being able to get my appetite back, weight up, and still being to focused and stressed every time something negative happened I succumbed (just within the past couple of weeks). I figure, it won't be like this forever, and it is important to me and my children that I get through this emotionally and mentally well NOW. Do what you feel is necessary. You can always change your mind about the meds afterwards.
BombOctober 2012- OW 11/28/12 -H still denies Separated 11/29/12 Own place 12/12/12 Confessed OW/EA/PA 2/2/13 Oct 2013 - I knew I was done Jan 2014 - Anticipating the rest of my life
