I wish I could remember the name of a documentary I watched about primates a few years ago. It really lays bare how this process plays out in an accelerated manner because while humans are no longer polygamous, the underlying psychology is all basically the same. We humans just do a much better job of hiding it.
Anyways, the alpha male gets all the females in the group, other males live more or less alone or on the periphery of the group. The alpha is not who necessarily wins fights, he is whoever the females choose to follow. A strong male kept trying to challenge the alpha male, they kept squaring off and fighting, and the alpha's attention was always on him and no longer on the females. Meanwhile a weak omega male had started moving closer and closer to the group, and whenever the alpha would leave or was preoccupied with his challenger, the weaker male would move closer in, interacting more and more with the females and infants. Not seeing him as a threat, the alpha male tolerated this and never reacted, until one day the weaker male walked off and the females and infants followed him.
I see this same practice again and again in my cases - sure human women do not blindly follow whichever male they come across that they perceive to be strongest, but most women are nonetheless attracted to strength in terms of self-confidence and self-respect and are instinctively repelled by weakness and submissiveness. Women in particular link attraction with respect. All of this psychology of attraction occurs in the subconscious limbric, or lizard brain and is exactly the same whether you are a human or a gorilla. I can pretty much guarantee your lack of action to chase off "almost OM" is perceived by your wife as a disgusting display of weakness and submissiveness and his encroachment is seen as attractive dominance, even if she is not consciously aware of this.
The 180 is a strategy to help people initiate self-protection in the most difficult situation most people could ever encounter, which in turn can help them survive and move-on from a divorce situation. Whether or not you end up divorced, the best outcome is for the left-behind spouse to use this process to grow, improve and become stronger. I would suggest you use this horrible time in your life as a catalyst to grow stronger in terms of protecting your self-respect, not accepting disrespect, and establishing and protecting your boundaries. The first step is to assert your dominion of your home and forcefully and unmercifully chase off this omega male trying to sneak his way into your rightful place. You will not be placated by his false apologies or SOB stories. You will not be affected by your wife's anger, tears or projected guilt. You will feel much better about yourself and everything in your life. Your wife will be distraught and extremely, severely angry at you, and she will respect you.
