Stuck between a rock and a hard place!

[dorightman]

[/i]After rereading some of my past posts on my "Stuck between a rock and a hard place!" , this is what I got out of it.

My erratic behavior and not really listening to w were her biggest issues with me.
Also dumping my anger on her and ignoring her.

From her last letter:
[i]I struggle daily knowing I cannot have a straight conversation with you. I have told you all my feelings, desires and experiences-and to all of them you have said "no". You have disrespected the truth of what I have expressed.

I didn't validate properly. I didn't think I said no to w with all our conversations, but that was what she heard.

I never expected to feel as terrified of you as I did. Your unpredictable behavior has shaken me to the core.

I understand how she felt scared of my emotional reactions early on. What I don't understand is how she doesn't understand why I had them, I'am a passionate person.

Whenever we attempt to discuss anything, the conversation goes to the most irrational place-that we are breaking up because I won't do the work. This makes me furious.

This is my messing up the DB techniques. I should just validate her and STFU.

I think this letter was her forcing a move towards D. She knows I can't afford to pay for the apt she wants to rent and knows that this will force me into mediation and that is a step closer to D.

I told her to call the mediator and figure out what she wants to take from the house. I felt like it's over after reading Labug's post. But after reading Bonds post I had a sliver of hope again. The problem is I can't flipflop again. I told her I'd go to mediation and now I have to go.

If I have a conversation addressing all of her concerns with me, do you think that would help at this point?

If I say to her that I will move out to give her real space, if I show her I get where she's coming from, if I show her her POV matters, will that help at this point?

If I ask her what she needs me to do to feel safe will that help?

If I respect her wishes and understand her needs, will that help?

I'd like to have this conversation with her asap or send her this letter:

I understand how you feel based on the letter you wrote me.
I'd like to address your feeling safe with me in the house, what can I do to make you feel more safe? We already discussed a "safe word".

I understand the truth of what you expressed and I'm sorry for all the ways I hurt you and made you feel ignored. I will do my best not to do that anymore. I will listen to you express your needs to me and will not argue them anymore.


I think I'm getting closer right Bond? After reading the last couple weeks of my posts, I realize what an a## I've been. I just now got it! Bond , thanks again and my sincere apologies again!!!!!

Bond, you really are awesome and I can't express in words how much I appreciate your support.

Labug, Advina, thanks to both of you too! what are your thoughts at this point?