Don't understand, why now???? Plus what do I do??

[ct man 1969]

Bklymom,

I've tried to get her to go. She will put absolutely no effort into trying to fix this marriage. I even tried an end around and have her friend suggest al-anon, because she's a counselor there. That backfired. She went and told my wife that I spoke to her, which infuriated her. We went to marriage counseling for a few sessions, but when that counselor "urged" (she literally used the word urge) my wife to date other guys, that was the proverbial straw that broke the camels back for me. After that we went to a christian counselor, where I got my wife to admit that she was "talking" to another man. When the counselor told her she needed to break all communications with him to focus on fixing the marriage. She again got angry, said that she didn't want to fix it and that was the last session she went to. A couple of months later, I asked my wife if she ever went to counseling with the intention to fix the marriage she told me, not really. This truly is breaking my heart. I can't even speak to her without her rolling her eyes, huffing and puffing or just totally ignoring me. I've tried to pour my heart out to her, and she'd just rather not hear it. I don't even know who she is anymore. The most loving, giving, cheerful person I've ever known has turned her back on me and become this evil, vile, poison-spewing person. To tell you the truth, I don't even know how I still love her through all of this. I still cry pretty much every day, just now I try to do it privately. She's told me that I need to stop whining and grow a set of balls and that I'm a whiny little b*!ch. I'm just trying this last resort technique, because it literally is my last resort. Truthfully, I don't see her changing her mind, unless some sort of miracle happens.