This would have been so much easier if xh and I had tried to work on our M, if he would have been kind, if he would have made sure the boys and I were settled and had what we needed before jumping into another R. I've had no closure. I can only guess what's happened to him and us based on information that I've gathered. I don't even know if I'm right. None of this changes anything. It just makes what I need to do harder and more painful.
I really wish I knew that I had meant something to him. That he had really loved and that all our years together weren't a waste. It's so painful to be cast aside and replaced and wonder if I ever mattered.
Yes, I totally agree, and could have written exactly what you have said. I am not dismissing or trivializing your feelings.
The problem is we have no choice, and no voice in what our ex husbands chose to do. So what we can do is have some strategies for getting through the next few days, then weeks and then months, so we look back and see that it hasn't been a wasteland of sorrow and despair, but that we have learnt from our suffering, and accomplished some useful and valuable things with our lives, that maybe we would not have done married.
Years down teh line it isn't so great for my ex h and he doesn't appear to blame me so much. But he is still a mess, and does not see the need to sort himself out in order to have any kind of meaningful relationship with his kids. Which he now wants very much indeed.
