Thank you all so much. I'm really touched by your kindness and support.
I feel flat today. I haven't cried yet, but I know I've been holding back until tonight when I'm alone. I am so very sad. I feel regret over things I could have done better, including initiating counseling when I started to feel a disconnect. (Now the tears are flowing.) I was really triggered yesterday when the judge inquired about counseling. How could xh walk away from me and his family without even trying to work our M? We all might have been spared so much pain. I would have given so much effort if only I had been given the opportunity.
I still want xh to wake up before we go too far into the future and create even more distance.
I'm not sure what to do now. I don't want to pursue someone who isn't interested in me or even kind. He's also in a R and I won't interfere. It's so hard to let go of the long history together. Also, even though he's acting in a hurtful way now, I know the good things about him and the deep bond we had. I wish I knew that I meant something to him, even just as the mother of his children.
