First of all, what I'm about to say is strictly MHO based on what I've read/studied, observed, conversed with other many women, and experienced over my entire life. Everyone won't agree, but you asked me so here goes.
You guys have to remember something....sex for men and sex for women are not the same. Well, the "goal" should be the same for a couple, but the motives behind the act is not always the same. Like young men who want to see how many girls he can "conquer" and girls thinking she's proving her love by "letting" the boy.....old stuff like that. We could talk hours about the different motives women have in initiating sex. But the one thing all women seem to know how to do quite well....is to make the man believe he's the one making the moves....when actually, she's the one in control. Sometimes, that can be good when a couple are in a good R and it's like both are having fun with the whole dance....but in the stitch like you guys have...it is certainly not the case. And that's one reason you men get suckered into the web of control. You always see sex as a good thing! LBH's think "yea, we are making progress b/c we had sex! She must want to work on the R!" Then when the next day she is acting all cold and withdrawn again, he's all confused and doesn't understand what's going on.
I am talking about a stitch where you have had the BD and clearly have a WAW. When there has not been "real" effort put into some work toward the R.....and suddenly you have a night of passion.....it's wouldn't be good b/c it is deception wrapped in a pretty package. Don't forget that guys, it's deception! She has not changed her mind or feelings about the stitch!
Realistically, both genders have "used" sex for different purposes since the beginning of time. Before women's lib, females would lure men into having sex with them....to advance in their job, or whatever. The oldest trick in the book to hook a young man into marriage (if she couldn't get him willingly)would be to get pregnant. It used to be much worse before women's lib, but it hasn't stop completely.
Women have not forsaken their feminine wiles b/c it seems to be something they are born knowing how to do. If you don't believe me, just watch a little girl with her daddy. It's amazing to see her operate. And the mother is watching and laughing to herself b/c "she" knows what's going on....but most young daddy's are just as mystified by that little 3 yr old girl as he is by a grown woman. Of course, there is not sexual intent there with that child....(that's getting too deep and won't go there), but I just mean you see that natural feminine mystique. She can wrap him around her little finger. Many little girls learn how they can get their way by leaning how to coax daddy. As she grows up, and starts liking boys, her natural ways extend to flirting, and later to more mature things. But, you get the picture I'm painting about females?
So......when you have a WAW, you have a woman who is in REBELLION! Therefore, you cannot trust her as you once did. You cannot trust her motives to be what you "hope" they are. It's not that she will never get the right motives, but it won't come like you think......through one act of sex. It's just not that simple for her.
Now, the WAW is being cold, withdrawn, wants out of the M, etc. So the LBH is usually caught off guard by his WAW's wooing ways to pull him into her spell (forgive my dramatic description). Her first attempt may not take much to get him seduced and right where she wants him. But, if he should be stronger than she thought....she will lay it on a little more heavily. But if he caves and has sex with her....then the next day she is right back to her previous coldness. B/c she was temperature checking to see if she had power over him (controlling him) and once she could....she's no longer interested.
And that, gentlemen, is why you have to make the WAW work her a$$ off to get you back. And I don't mean by having sex. She has to prove her commitment at working to save the M. She has to do whatever it takes to work with you to save the M. That takes time, patient, and struggling. It's hard! Sex isn't hard. (no pun intended)
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I am curious to what would happen in that situation if the WAS comes onto the LBS and initiates sex. After if sex takes place the LBS carries on as they were and doesn't get sucked in by it all or at least puts a front on, how would the WAS respond/handle that?
You don't get it. He does get sucked in! I have never seen one, yet, that didn't think it was a sign that the WAW wanted to make up, get closer to working things out, etc. Then he's crushed when he discovers she hasn't changed anything.
I can't tell you from the man's point of view. All I can do is tell you about women. But I can tell you that I have not known of a case where the LBH could be all nonchalant about it.....b/c it's not like it was when he was single and out there seeing how many women he could have sex with, this is he WIFE who he is very emotionally involved in a M breaking up and he's desperately seeking a sign of hope from her. When she's flirty, affectionate, etc., he sees it as hope. And men want to have sex to make up or work the problems out....but women really want to work the problems out before making love. (Notice how I used the words sex & making love.) Sex is not always "love" in the eyes of a woman. Maybe it is for men, or some men....but not women. But then that's one of the many ways we're different!
Don't be disillusioned by thinking you could handle it. It will suck you in to the emotional heart break. Look where you've been all this time, and it did not bring you and her together....b/c sex is not the work that needs to be done by her. Maybe you need to think of the real "effort" as foreplay.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Sometimes, that can be good when a couple are in a good R and it's like both are having fun with the whole dance....but in the stitch like you guys have...it is certainly not the case. And that's one reason you men get suckered into the web of control. You always see sex as a good thing! LBH's think "yea, we are making progress b/c we had sex! She must want to work on the R!" Then when the next day she is acting all cold and withdrawn again, he's all confused and doesn't understand what's going on.
