All seemed okay prior to this call but now I have come to find out this was probably planned several weeks in advance.
More likely for months or even years. Have you read DR? It'll explain some of why your W did what she did. And it's your roadmap on what you should do from now on.
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Now, we had our issues and I realize I caused alot of them.
This statement sounds to me like you're not truly owning your mistakes. It sounds to me like you're saying "this wasn't bad enough to end the M over." But...
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Lack of employment, finances, a big one here a serious lack of intimacy
These are all HUGE issues. These are all significant, marriage-killing issues.
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goes both ways though
Not to her. You are the source of all her problems. That's the way she sees it. You have to dispel that notion.
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We did not yell and scream at each other nor did we really fight.
Interestingly most of the people that find themselves here say the same thing, me included.
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But i do realize when she would say some things about our situation finacially and employment wise I would sort of just nod my head.
BIG problem. She was reaching out to you about what she saw as MAJOR problems and you were blowing her off. It's in DR. You probably perceived it as nagging. She got tired of trying. She quit, and started planning her escape. Meanwhile when she quit nagging you thought things had gotten BETTER. So you were shocked that much more when she left.
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I have tried being nice and talking but the same ice cold responses.
It took her years to get to this point. You won't see an overnight turnaround from her, she's going to be like this for a long time.
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My thing is yes, I know realize I caused the majority of this but,
When you can make that statement without sticking "but" on the end of it, you'll have made your way to the starting line in this marathon.
