I want another child for the following reasons: 1) I want D to have a sibling 2) I want my children to be close in age to each other and I'm firmly against having children over 35 (for me... other people can do whatever they want) and if things go well, I may not want to stop at just 2 3) I enjoy being a mother 4) Right now, H being a good dad is the main reason I can tolerate him. He is truly an excellent father. 5) If he gets this pregnancy right, it will be a huge help to my... our... recovery.
There are a great many things my H does well. Knowing how to handle my hate towards him is not one of them (I know I have issues with people being mildly dissatisfied with me much less hateful towards me, so I can't blame him too much). That is part of the reason he goes to IC in addition to our MC.
I'm not exactly refraining from verbal abuse either. I'm just better at keeping it in check in front of D than he is. I plan on bringing it up again in MC tonight.
Is the relationship perfect? Hell no. Not even close. Will the world stop until we can get our sh!t together. NO. I'd rather struggle and put on good face in front of my children now (as I've been doing successfully for the last 2 years), than wait and risk higher chances of developmental delays, chromosomal abnormalities, and childhoods of them hating each other because they're too far apart (yes, they can likely be friends in adulthood, but that's 20 years away). It's like being on stage: leave your personal sh!t in the wings.
I'm an ENTJ. The saying for them is "When I get angry, I get awesome." And I keep my pain hidden for no one to see.
H just needs to get better at hiding his sh!t too. If nothing else, my children will learn to set good boundaries for BS. But I doubt after tonight we will see much of this anymore.
