Wow, so much in the past few posts, AS. It's wonderful that you have peace in the end of your M and that you and your wife will have a friendship. You truly are a DB sucess story!!!!!!!!!!!!
That is really unusual behavior for my dog, she must have REALLY wanted that cake!! And thanks
SP, thank you for the thoughts and I'm sorry to hear your W is going through difficulties too!
Originally Posted By: suckerpunch
I never thought in a million years that I would want to be friends with my wife, after OM was in the picture. But like you, I am starting to see that my love and concern for her is unconditional.
Awesome, that's fantastic to hear! When you get yourself to a place where you can be friends with W whether OM is in the picture or not and OM doesn't affect your PMA then you're well down the path of healing.
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Actually, our sitches have a TON of similarities. the list is long. You are an inspiration to me, AS. I have a wealth of admiration for you.
We've walked the same road for sure And thank you for the kind comments
Originally Posted By: shouldistillhope
I don't know your beliefs in God, but it might be his way of saying "ok buddy, i will look out for her from up here, but this is your chance to look out for her from down there."
I'm definitely a believer although I've quit trying to figure out why he lays such difficult challenges in front of me. I've learned through these forums not to mind-read my W, and I've learned from my sitch not to mind-read God
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Do you honestly think OM is going to be there for her when things are at their darkest?
He's a really nice guy and is the type that will do anything for anyone, so yeah, I think he will be there for her throughout. But in what capacity? The thing I don't understand about OM is he is young (35 or so) and he LOVES children. He's divorced from a WAW, they had no kids. I thought for sure he would just remain friends with W since she can't have children anymore. Yet here they are. I really don't get it. My W has a pretty face, but she's gained a lot of weight since our S and she wasn't tiny to start with. She's about to turn 50 and her age is really starting to show. She also has arthritis. And bless her heart, she is going to come out of these treatments looking much older. So I am sure OM will support her throughout, but as a lover? I have my doubts.
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This may be your opportunity to shine for her, and i guarantee you that she will notice and remember just who was there for her after she beats this. It will not go unnoticed and you can be the man she is looking for all along.
Thank you for the advice, and I do plan to do exactly this. But I'm not doing it with the expectations that there will be a loving reconciliation at the end, I don't think it will happen. It doesn't matter though, I love her as a friend and as the mother of my kids and will do anything for her.
Originally Posted By: stilllookingup
That's why I asked earlier if you knew she had already told OM or not.
She did tell him, and told him before me. Because when she told me, she also said that OM had asked her if there was anything he could do for her (I think I mentioned the zipline thing).
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If I remember correctly OM was much younger than your W. I know age shouldn't matter when it comes to relationships but I can't help but to wonder if he's prepared to go through what your W is about to go through.
I have no idea. I've been through it several times and it totally transforms the people that go through it. They come out of it with major battle scars. If you love someone unconditionally you stay by them at such times and afterwards, and you see their beauty throughout, even if they are flat-chested and have no hair. OM himself may not even know if he can handle this. I guess he'll find out.
Originally Posted By: chl0901
All I can say is, wow, you are a very strong person!
Thank you Sometimes I don't feel so strong, I want everyone to know that because I don't want people to read my sitch and think "why can't I be like this?" The answer is you CAN and you WILL! I'm not some model of perfection, I'm no different than anyone else. If I can get here I have full confidence that anyone can
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I am very sorry to hear about your W's cancer and confirmation of the OM. That had to sting.
In one of my threads I talked about the fact that I didn't know if OM was OM or just a friend, and I really struggled with that. It was so hard not to snoop. But then I asked myself, if there is an OM, would I do anything differently? I decided I wouldn't, so at that point I did what it took for me to come to grips with my sitch- I assumed that there was an OM. Whatever crazy thing I could imagine- W and OM having sex in a public park or whatever, yes, it's happening, LOL! So then I went through a short period of grief followed by acceptance. So I came to accept a sexual affair with OM even though I never had the evidence. That was many months ago. So this revelation actually didn't sting much if at all, because I had already assumed it was happening and dealt with the grief.
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You are a really good person for being there for her during all this and remaining friendly even after everything that has happened. Sending you and your family good vibes and best of luck!
Thank you, and thank everyone here for the support, prayers and happy thoughts, I really appreciate it and am truly blessed by it
